Who's to blame

I want to scream fu** you and your problems. You have this inability to see good when you have it and to deal with your need to come back to me when its all over and want try again. Thinking I am the same person you screwed with the first time and because I was gracious enough to forgive you twice. You, Mr. think I was the same person, well I’m not. See this is the issue when you’ve decided to change and think I am still waiting. Well, I’ve changed or so I think I have. I’m tired of being the good, patient, understanding, pleading person you knew you wanted. I was that person who sat and cared when no one else would. No, I’m not tooting my own horn I am admitting facts. Yes, I will admit I have issue, fuck it I’m human. I am the first to tell anyone that I have a good and a bad side pick a day and I’ll give you one and/or both but I am not a bull shitter. I am strait from the hip. I am pushy and I will communicate the stuff you do want to talk about. Then again why call yourself an adult and you, sir, can’t even man up to communicate to me. Yeah, I hear the voices saying maybe it me. Maybe I need to change and once I change all the crap I’m dealing with will go away. Wait while I scoff for a few seconds…. I want to agree with that psychological crap but sometimes there is an exception to the rule. I tell you I am the fing exception.
It’s like I have a banner for all the decent men who want to try being dogs to stop by and wipe their dirty feet on me. Then realize after their done o shit she was a good person let me go back and make amends to clear my mind. I could analyze this place the blame on me because that is what I would do with the maybe it's me crap but I’m not anymore because I know it’s not me. I don’t ask for much and I don’t take much. My thing is compromise and communicate because I can’t stop you from what you think you want to do. I always say if you don’t talk to me I don’t know how to help you and if you say nothing it causes bigger problems. You have issues so do I so let work on a plan to either remove them or cope with it but I am not here to make your world what you dream it will be but instead to help make it a little easier to deal with. Make sense right. I guess too new age. I mean why should there be roles (yes off of subject) to a relationship. I mean looking at the word in no way results a masculine or feminine notation to it in a sense it is asexual word. Back on subject.
Do I want to be angry and bitter? That is the tough question. I see myself slowing getting there and it’s not good. I still want to be that naïve little 18 year old who promised herself that no matter what the world does I would not be come cynical and mean spirited. Now I see, I really see that is a hard feat to accomplish when people keep knocking, spitting, and hitting in a inconspicuous kind of way. See, I wouldn’t be upset if I was being hit and I knew it…. OO no it has to be in the sly manipulative way. I’ll let her think I’m good then wham hit her with the bad news. This folk is the where the cynicism grows and the mean spirit is fostered because being honest is too easy. I just want agape and to give that in return. I don’t want agape love because agape is tangible but loving on the other hand that is a work in progress and no man matter of fact no person can give that to me only God can. I want this man to be unselfish, loyal, and to benevolent as well have concern for the good of God, me, his family, and his self. Will this happen the naïve girl in me say, yes but I guess I have to go through my anger phase first.