This is meant to be

Ever feel like there was that one person that would be there no matter what….

Not the case…

I thought (o here comes a lot of issues here with this one) that the one would at least show up and spend time with me but I guess I was wrong.

I am not overly dependant but when it come around to things that are really important to me I would like it if the person I hold dear would show up and at a reasonable hour.

I don’t expect a lot of any person. I just want the basics met. I am open and free spirited. I don’t tell people what they have to do and when they have to do it. I just want to be valued and respected. However in this game that is called dating, this is not the case.

I am not a psycho girl. I am not an emotional needy broad. I am not a gold digger. I am not time consuming.

I am dependable. I am independent. I understand. I am compassionate. I am loveable.

Yet time and time again these qualities are taken advantage of and it hurts.

I want to give in the towel. I say those words time and time again, as well as I am not going to have high expectations or expect much yet I fall into the trap each time a new person comes into the picture.

Meaning to do well I may give the appearance that I am easy and will be understanding to everything. But once I stand my ground, the person who said they care so much suddenly disappears. Here I am again wondering what I have done so wrong to make that person leave me. I beat myself up trying to make sense of what I need to do to make sure being left alone to pick up the heart I wear so easily on my sleeve is not hurt again.

I finally tell myself the bogus line; he wasn’t good for me because he could not see what a good person I am. I keep telling myself this and other positive, reassuring, and comforting words till I believe them to the point I have forgotten what his name was.

This is frustrating. This is unfair. This is unjustifiable. Yet I keep going back to the field of rose bushes to become lodged with a thorn again because this is what I think I have to go through for the future love of my life.

Well, I laugh at this demoralizing process and if things with S don’t work how I need them to. I am not going back.