Could I be Right

I hate being right.
I knew he wasn’t going to follow through.
For some reason, I knew he would blame his kid for the reason as to why we can’t hang out but hey who am I to say that he is lying or really telling the truth.
In these types of circumstances it is really hard to find the truth or believe the words coming forth from his mouth. My gut tells me to call him a liar and move on but my heart says to be open and give another chance.
Yet, I want to give in the towel and call it what I feel it is, bullshit. That is what I feel it is where the words don’t meet the actions and the actions are never seen. Im sorry but this is not God faith where I know that I know to just believe. This is man and he is bound to fail. I want to be more optimistic that he will actually follow through but I highly doubt it I’ve waited for a year and I’m still getting the same crap from 6 months ago.
But I wonder why I still wait. There was nothing hugely spectacular about our relationship for me to want to try again to see what could have been. Is that what I’m doing? Trying to find out what could have been? If that is the case I need to stop and let him find the right woman for him and move on because blind faith and toilet hope is causing me to become hard and skeptical to a man I know is not ready for me and I don’t think ever will be.
Empty promises from an old time
Filling the silence with dead words
Hoping these promises will heal the hurt and the Distain with in
Hoping the dead weight of the words will make me stay
Make me wait till time is on your side
Empathy will only hold for so long
Patience is only a virtuous action of the best actors
See if in the morning of your loneliness if I am there
Because games of the previous times have finally produced their results
Poor or well
These empty promises from an old time
Will remain as dead words in the air spoken from the lips
Of old
The all of a sudden he shows up the last week I am here being who he always is charming and charismatic. I fell for it I’m not going to lie. I heard the words and more promises but in the back of my mind I know this isn’t going to happen for us. There are too many probability words throw around for me to say without a LOGICAL shadow of a doubt there is any future in these words. I loved hearing what I thought was true. And then, bam, something happens where it questions what I am truly doing here rethink my own words and actions which causes me to go into a shell to prevent any future hurt.
I don’t want to be the girl pining in the wings the one hoping pushing pulling and trying for a relationship where the other party is just in it for the motional painful fun of it all. Then again all of what I am saying is based off of one side, mine. But in a sense is that not what matters most that my thoughts dictate my course of action and how I feel about the beginning middle and end results? I want to believe in a way I need to believe that I found my other half in a past ex but at the same time we both have grown since being teenagers yet even as an adult I still have this unexplainable attraction towards him not a what if not an attempt to feign a relationship out of nothing but a genuine sincerity. It’s like I can look past some of the issues he has and still like him be in the midst of working and wonder how he’s doing and if he’s okay. Now mind you I’ve dealt with a lot from him, since we started being ”friends” again but I still wondering are the feelings really really mutual .
It’s the back and forth because all in all his words don’t meet up with his action and there is always some unforeseen problem that stops him from keeping his promise to me. I think that is the problem for me and once that disappears will my doubts and curiosity stop as well?