Arugh

I’m mad cause I made plans with S on Thursday to do something then I get a text message at 743 telling me he’s deiced to be nice to a friend and help him move.. Mind you we agreed to go out mini golfing at 8pm. I understand that is his friend and since he has know him longer that me I have to be understanding to that .. Irregardless I was first and should have been considered first especially if I am consider as a girlfriend but humm I guess I was wrong eh…taking anyone’s word is really becoming borderline bullshit talk to get what the person ultimately wants. Just be honest o well besides the point I personally I think it is bullshit he just didn’t want to hang and did not what to hurt my feelings. I give him the opportunity to be like hey come by since I did flake on you nope not at all.. he like well im going to hang with a few of the guys not even a reminder like hey are you going to church with me nope just o well there is a nether time we can hang trying to act concerned about my feelings… (inner laughter) .. I did that cause im always asking to hang out or do anything he won’t call or anything unless I do it first just once I want to be pursued as usual I’m doing it well not any more I mean this is now making me think.. like this I give in to love or the feeling of love so quickly if it feels right. I thought it was the right time this time and I'm finding out that is not the case. Back to the same shit again... I really thought he was the turning point I was fooled which is a shocker but I guess it was coming. I guess it back to emotionless careless attitude who ever is present is how it is. It is always that I feel strongly for him and I am willing to voice that but it seems that he is not as vocal as I am. It’s like the Teria Marie song where she is singing about the indaquies of men.. I can only say so much with out seeming to force out how they feel.. Its frustrating to me that anyone has the inability to speak what is on their mind because of this I always end up confused hurt or angry. My saying is I can't understand I can't help or anything if you don't talk to me tell me so that I don't respond in the wrong manner.. If not I am going to take what I have and go from there and I want no bull when I do cause I gave the warning before hand. Whatever basically at this point I am not going to think negatively about love just that I have gave up hope that right now is the time for that. It felt nice for the short time but hey life goes on. I can’t say that I’m not hurt Id be crazy if I wasn’t.. sigh time will help just will become more focused on what it is I need to do which is work and school .. :) . life ahh what becomes of it

Life has this funny way of making you raise that what we as people are now doing is not what we are supposed to done. I would chase what I thought I wanted to figure out that it was wrong for me and I would be hurt. Now that I have moved forward from that type of thinking and my energy is elsewhere I am well known by those who did not want what I was chasing them for. It's weird in a sense that when I gave in now it is the reverse. Humm ... I don't want that any longer but how do I go about focusing on the new one yet it is not to the standards of the others.
The feeling is a bit different and is not what I am accustomed too which is why I have foucsed so much .. I guess I know what I need to do