Wondering

Are there ever enough experiences in life that you want to just move on from?
Yes, everyday I breathe I just want to get to the point in my life that all this transitional shifting makes sense.
All the non sense, the self analysis, the purging, the happiness and pain could show some sort of true contentment.
I guess being in the middle of the storm I really can’t see the change I yearn for so desperately.
I think I am changing but then I see some of the same habits come back to light.
Its big mass of mess and I don’t really see why I am doing this.
I feel like I need to so I can become the person I think I am supposed to be.
But right now, is this all possible.
I dream of a new life and change
Yet will this come when I move
Or
Will I sill be me even after leaving what I have become accustomed to?
Sure I want companionship preferable marriage but the fish out there seem to be contaminated on purpose and the manufacture failed to tell me I was being poisoned.
This reminds me of a class on interpersonal relationship
There is a dot on your head and you attract the people to this dot
If you want to change the people that are attracted to this dot change you
I was floored when I heard this from the teacher and thought it was a wonderful idea until
I decided to change.
There is no road map, no guide, and no help when you want to change
Yes, I know self help book, groups, therapy, and ect
but this can not put the
ah ha
I don’t want to change
I see no need to change
I am content where I am
I don’t like it
but I (right now) don't want to push myself and see what is
beyond here and now
to actually be accountable for me
to just skate by is okay.
I am become stagnant
this has drained my zest to
have more
be more
and fulfill my true potential
*laughs*
I needed to write that
to see the "crash diet" I’ve put myself on
I need to take the time to divide up my life and
make a life change inside first then everything on the outside will come.
I say this now but watch I'll be back with a new rendition of this song. Whoa I need to be a little more positive here. I might really change. There that looks better
I will always be unhappy till I say
enough
I’m done with this
I am focused on changing
because i am no longer happy in this stage
And pick up me, dust me off, and progress
Until then I will be who I am and right now I am fairly ok.