My forgiveness cents

The following passage is taken from The Media’s Image of Arabs an essay written by Jack G Shaheen in 1992:
True to the cliché of the times, the only good Indian was a dead Indian. But when I mimicked or mocked the bad guys, my mother would cautioned me. She explained that stereotypes hurt, that they blur our vision and corrupts the imagination. “Have compassion for all people, Jackie” She said. Experience the joy of accepting people as they are and not as they appear in films, she advised."
I read this truly understood what Shaheen’s mother was saying to him about having compassion for all people. Let me explain why I understood what Shaheen’s mother was saying. I am very understanding person of people, not because I am a Christian or because I am understanding, but because of my family. My mother and father did not say as specifically as Shaheen’s mother to respect other people regardless of color, instead my parents would say to me and my sisters,” you will need people one day so be kind to them”or”what you do to other will have a way of coming back to you. ” Yes, I know this sound as if I should be kind to other because I expect a reward if the tables are turned, but also it taught me to be understanding to people because if the tables are turned would you like the same actions reprociated to you. A lot of time people forget in the mist of their emotions that if the tables were turned, would they want someone to show them compassion. Yet each person allows hurtful stereotypes and personal feeling cloud their thoughts when they are mocking or passing judgment on others. A question that each person could prompt to themselves is: Can each person look past another person who has wrong them and or their family? The answer to this can differ but the majority would say, no. Why is that? I can’t personally answer that question because I forgive in spite of, yet then again I have not been in a situation where another person has killed my family or hurt someone close to me , however I know how I would respond.

I remember a conversation I was having about a year ago with my sister, C, about forgiving someone if they were to kill someone in my family. The conversation was prompted after watching the Oprah show. In the episode there was a mother and her granddaughter, the granddaughter wanted to meet the man who raped and killed her mother. The grandmother could not understand why she wanted to meet this man but accepted that this was her granddaughter’s form of healing. She, the granddaughter, meets the man who had committed this atrocity
to her mother and told him that she had forgiven him for what he had done to her mother. C was taken aback by the fact that the young women forgave the man that killer her mother a. I could not understand why she was so against why the young woman forgave her mothers killer. C’s stance was that he killed her mother so why should she forgive him there is no need to forgive someone who has harmed anyone’s family in that matter. Here is a portion of the conversation:
Me: “Don’t you do thing wrong with or with out thinking and once you have come to your senses wouldn’t you want someone to be understanding and forgive you once you have been punished?”
C’: “What he did was different; he killed another person”
Me: “Okay, so he killed another person. When you lie, steal, and gossip doesn’t that kill another person as well?”
C: “Again that is different; I did not take someone’s life. I just lied, ect. You can not compare killing someone to typical life situations. Killing is just wrong and can not be forgiven”
Me: “So let me understand this, it is okay to hurt a person internally but if the pain is external such as death it is okay because the person is still alive, right. I don’t understand why is that people hold grudges? What’s done is done, yes, everyone has the right to hurt and take time to heal but if you hold on to what has be done wrong to you all you are doing is reliving the pain over and over again. What good is that? “
C: “When a person does wrong they have to be punished and if the punishment is to relive over and over again, that is what they deserve for doing what they did. I know as for me, if someone was to kill one of you guys, I would not forgive the killer; I would want to do an eye for an eye.”
This is a problem. If a person can not let go of the big thing how can they let go of the trivial things in life. I am not stating that when a person does wrong they are not to be punished but how many times must a person be punished for a wrong they have already done.

I have noticed that when I have let go of the wrongs that people have done against me I feel better, Almost in a sense free of the weight of emotions I don’t need. For example, I was left stranded on a date. The guy I was going to go out with dropped me off in the front of the fair because he did not want me to walk from the car to the fair, which I thought was very kind of him to do. As he drove off, he waived to me and I knew he was coming back. Well five minutes turned to fifteen minutes and I wondered where he went. I called his phone, no answer. So, here I am twenty minutes away from home and every one I knew was doing other things and I could not reach anyone. I was hurt, angry, and self depreciated. I wanted to find him and cause hurt that would teach him to never cross my path in that matter again, or anyone else’s in that matter,
but I knew causing pain to him would not rectify what he had done to me. An eye for an eye, in this instance would not take away the multiple of emotions I felt at the time, yes, it would make me feel better but for how long. Once I made him pay for what he did to me, would it take away?
the thought that would plague my mind of that night and the vengeance I took upon him, on the other hand I can forgive him and move on. I forgave him. He gave me whatever reason it was that he stranded me but I did not care because I let go of the emotions that held me to the situation. I let him explain his self for his conscious but I did not care because I internally healed from the pain he caused and let him go with forgiveness. I have spoken to him a few times since but he is not considered a friend.

Forgiveness is a hard word for people to understand but for me it is very easy. Because what I understand forgiveness is to move on. Think of forgiveness in this matter:
To for give of yourself is to let go of your giving self to allow the wrongs a person has
completed against you, to go for good. But in return of allowing your giving self to allow the wrongs to go the person must go.
Now that doesn’t mean to become inhumane to the person, rather they are not in your life as the person they were before you have to forgive them.

Each person has their way to live their life but if each person let’s go of wrongs done in their life to just tolerate another person things may just be easier. Keep in mind I am not stating it is ok to have people walk all over you because you are to stand your ground against your personal injustice but when a situation has already pass to forgive the person and work hard to help others not to relieve that path that has caused you pain. As Sheehan’s mother perfectly put, “Experience the joy of accepting people as they are …” Acceptance is the key because we can not change other but we can change ourselves, if each person is willing to take the initiative to change it may make the world we live in easier to bear.

That’s just my two cents.