Crush

I wrote this thinking about all of the men I have crushed over. I guess late at night and a lot on my mind cant really sleep .Even after walking 3 miles around midtown this am and getting something’s off of my mind (walking with a good listener takes some of the heat off).We walked and talk . We shared and confessed. I mean distant strangers sometimes are the best people to talk to because this person really doesn’t know you. However, I still have more because the constant wheels in my head are turning and I am beginning to feel almost light but yet I am feeling heavy. Too much to deal wit in one day. So here goes:

If I tell him my secret could I be free
Of the mind games and the delusions I play
Day in and day out of the what if and could be’s
Like a school girl I write his name on my book
Change my last name to his
Play the game of if he were mine would the loneliness cease to exist
The future we have, the quite moments we share, all in my mind
Because I am afraid to tell him he is
My secret crush
The fasciations and the childish boy meets girl tease
The façade of being his type the girl of his dreams
The fictional family and the imaginary fight with a make up scene
I want to change the world in his eye Be the one he truly desires but
If I tell him my secret would I be free
Only to know reality pulls the strings
Taking away the friend I have slowly acquired
To have the momentary freedom of a
Physical, emotional, and spiritual bond.
All a fantasy, the one played out in my mind, because
I have been placing this crush on a pedestal
Only to know
He will and could never live up to my dream
Because he is different from what I have conjured up in the
Recess of my mind
The picture perfect man
As the secret crush