Bio me

I cannot control your emotions or you as a person; however, I will ask you to look at yourself. Not just surface stuff or things people have pointed out to you neither the good things about yourself nor the bad things but to step outside of yourself and look at your life as an outsider. Don’t brush what I just said off or think little of those sentences but really do what I just said.

When you look at yourself as an outsider, what do you see? Is it all that you would be proud of? Did you keep the promises to yourself as well as others? Are there aspects you would change or are you happy with what you’ve seen? Keep asking yourself many questions as if you were seeing yourself for the first time but ask these questions in the mirror. Dig deep and continuously letting everything out, truthfully, till you can stand in the mirror and say, “I am fine with the answer I am giving and if a stranger were to ask me I would be fine with my answer.” When you look don’t lie to your own face be honest because this is for you and no one else. Don’t give yourself the safe answer. Don’t answer as if you want to hear what you’re telling yourself to evade the emotions which will follow from your answers.

Pulling out all of those thoughts and emotions as well as the questions and answers, write down what you like/love about yourself, what you’re proud of, what you notice needs change, people you need to make amends to, a plan to acquire the life you want to live, a plan to change what you’ve seen as a hindrance to your life and finally steps you’re willing to make to place these words into actions.

Don’t compare now to the past and don’t reminisce or romanticize the past. Look at this as a plan to change the now into the future because you now are rewriting your history

This action plan needs to be daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly. Because to just say I want to change this is and how I am going to change that is not enough. You need to write these actions down and a means to see the change occur. If the change is stagnant, keep working at it each time till it is improve by your plan’s standards. But all in all your changes need to be planned, seen, and acted.

I say all of this because I have personally gone through this myself and still do currently. I want you to understand me, even if I never speak or see you again. You know everything about me and in my openness I hope to help you make the moves to live your life more attainable.

I was not an abused child and I lived in a home of love. We had our ups and downs but I know I have an awesome (immediate) family. I did not have a horrible sibling rivalry or have to think my parents loved one child more than the other. I was taught many things that were building block to live an attainable live such as how to live with high standards, moral respect, global responsibility, self respect, and self responsibility.
My parents had a rocky relationship and tried to make it work for my sisters and but it was not meant for either of them to be together. This relationship was the molding block for many of my fears and concerns but even still I saw examples of good relationships. I was never taught hate for myself through my family and the actions of my adult life were not from the lessons and advice of my parents. These choices were all of my own actions from the lies I told myself to the self hate I acquired from the mistakes I made.
Yet from these mistakes, I have grown into the free spirit down to earth hypersensitive caring fun loving stubborn person I am today. I wouldn’t take back anything that has happened in my life because I wouldn’t be me, now. Each day I learn and each day I can make a mistake but in the end I can look at myself, be completely honest with what I’ve done to a complete stranger or my family and move on. I can be frank with other people about my experiences and hope he/she can learn something from me and me from them. These lessons have helped me to be non judgmental towards another person and be a little more accepting of the differences in each of our personalities as well as know when to follow and when to lead. When to listen and when to talk, now my family may disagree but they are the ones who really know me and can say as I’ve gotten older I have made some slight changes. Then again if I can yell scream and be immature around them then who can I. ha-ha. Its life and I’m learning to go with it each day and try to plan the rest of it the best I can. But eh there are some speed bumps along the way.

I’m not perfect and sometimes I have to remind myself that I am human and I am living to my standards not everyone else what I do is for me and God. If others appreciate it great if not that is their own personal problem. I have no problem from removing people who aren’t needed(well love right now is different sorry ß working on that one)in my life and I’m fine being in my own company. I know that little glitch will be worked out in time but as long as I keep my emotions in check and my logic reined in I’ll be fine. But to say right now I’m happy is a good feeling and I’m glad I took the step to remove my security blanket to give myself a chance to flourish and see me