November 9, 2005 gosh could yesterday be a day.
I mean it started out fine I woke up at S place with very little sleep as usual, rushed around to get dressed for work and made it with a minute to spare. Work was easy going as usual till around 11a my sister emails me and urgent message telling me to call her ASAP. So I do. Once I called her , I found out that she had did forgery of a check, ok that's a shocker to hear, and that the company she committed forgery on wanted 2,800 by end of business that day. Poor thing was freaking out and so was I because two college students making a little decent living did not have 2,800 dollars sitting around to give up. I tell her to calm down and see if she can get an extension till Friday so she can come up with the funding. Long story short she was able to get the extension and through the will of God was able to get 2,800 so she is not going to jail. Whew... I knew what she did was foolish but at the same time I understood why she did the forgery. I am not condoning theft at all, but when you are hard strapped for cash and bills to pay you're mental state is not in its best thinking form.
Then again she and I need to be better managers of our funds, which I am doing, to help in situations similar to think. (Not saying this is going to happen again, it had better not: S) The positive of this situation is that this is a wake up call to put into better use the money I have left over instead of splurging it on other things. It was not a bad reason why this occurred it is just another lesson in life that needed to be learned by drastic means.
I guess it ties back into my post about signs about changing my life and conforming to what I already think is true about God and religion, not even that but just my life in general. I have begun to make small steps to change how I react to people and their words because honestly I can be a bit hypersensitive to people's unspoken words and read too much into things which caused my moody tirade, occasionally, on the other hand it shows people how I feel about what they are saying and not saying to me. I know I need to find a healthy balance as well as figure out who I want to be as a whole person spiritually and mentally because I can not take any more "signs".
Being positive is infectious
me :)
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Care about being fat? Well,yes I do!
I didn't know there was a war on fat. Why, does everything in American society see to be a war on something or another? The meaning of war is a struggle or competition between opposing forces or for a particular end. Where are the opposing forces that are stopping people from their particular end? It frustrates me when labels are placed upon things to give it a huge hype. There is no war going on with fat instead it is people and their inability to make a decision that is best for them. Now, I am not stating there is a small few that have a disease that prevents them from loosing weight as easily as the rest of us. But to label every one who is fat as having a disease is wrong. The author indicates that "…America's spreading waistline is at least a plus for anti-fat-discrimination efforts?" I have to agree with the author yes this is a plus for anti-fat-discrimination but society and each person needs to take responsibility for this behavioral issue.
Reading the article I was outraged that there is a fat activist group called NAAFA (Nation Association to Advance Fat Acceptance). They want the general public to accept them being fat. Now, personally I am fat but I am not going to join an organization that condones my wrong doing. I don't have a disorder but instead I can be lazy and make wrong food choices. If there are going to be organizations that condone wrong doing why not allow the KKK to be an acceptable organization. I know it is a bit of a far stretch there but really look at the facts. Each has odd ideals that they believe should be allowed in American society and should not be. Yes, it is understandable to be upset and want to empower yourselves and others but not by forcing ridiculous ideals to justify what each person is doing is right because it is not.
Another point that aggravates me that fat people has allowed the *diet and medical industry to make $46 billion a year. Listen stop being lazy and hoping there is a miracle cure for laziness, poor decision making, and inability to stick to a goal for the rest of your life.
Which brings me to my next point, I have a co-worker who was heavy and got the gastric bypass surgery. The funny thing is 3 months before the surgery she needed to loose 50lbs to be considered eligible to have the procedure done. The shocking thing was she was able to lose the 50lbs during the 3 month period and the kicker here is she did it with eating right and exercising. She is not the only person I know that has lost weight just to be considered for that stupid surgery. Now I'm thinking if a person can loose weight for a surgery that has more complications and restrictions to their life, why they can't apply those methods to every day life. No one ever said life is easy so doing the right thing the right way never is.
O my apalment towards this surgery is worse when people applaud them for doing the surgery. Well , not me because the flip side to this is yes you did the surgery but did you fix the internal issues that caused you to get the size your are, most of the time the answer is no. So here you have a mass amount of people getting a quick fix but not fixing the main issues this is the problem of each person, medical professionals, and the diet industry. They do not fix the underlying issues but instead mask the issues with a quick fix or finger point. Come on now take responsibility for yourself, your actions and contributions to the cause which is obesity.
*Obesity is due to over consumption and yet no one attacks the $900 billion food industry. If people would not eat almost 3,000 calories a day and force the food industry to be responsible for the food that is being created that may help as well. Yet the point still remains each person needs to be responsible to their own actions. Remember this is a lifestyle choice not something you're born with and can not get out of. Making all of the excuses in the world will not change the fact that you as a person are responsible to yourself.
I truly believe if each person is accountable for what they do and actually care it may help with people to stop becoming more and more overweight. I have been skinny and fat.Now being fat again, I see no benefits in staying that way, let alone the health risk of being fat plus I just don't like the way I look to myself. I'm not loosing weight to fit a majority belief or because people don't find me attractive;I am making the change because I should be a healthy person. Once I knew this is what I wanted to do ,it caused me to change my mind set and to care what I eat(that is eating in moderation, there is this huge confusion with eating healthy and in moderations which a totally different topic)and work out daily to help myself fight the pounds. Indulge but don't over indulge because life is about balance not how easy you can make it.
* paraphrased from authors words
Reading the article I was outraged that there is a fat activist group called NAAFA (Nation Association to Advance Fat Acceptance). They want the general public to accept them being fat. Now, personally I am fat but I am not going to join an organization that condones my wrong doing. I don't have a disorder but instead I can be lazy and make wrong food choices. If there are going to be organizations that condone wrong doing why not allow the KKK to be an acceptable organization. I know it is a bit of a far stretch there but really look at the facts. Each has odd ideals that they believe should be allowed in American society and should not be. Yes, it is understandable to be upset and want to empower yourselves and others but not by forcing ridiculous ideals to justify what each person is doing is right because it is not.
Another point that aggravates me that fat people has allowed the *diet and medical industry to make $46 billion a year. Listen stop being lazy and hoping there is a miracle cure for laziness, poor decision making, and inability to stick to a goal for the rest of your life.
Which brings me to my next point, I have a co-worker who was heavy and got the gastric bypass surgery. The funny thing is 3 months before the surgery she needed to loose 50lbs to be considered eligible to have the procedure done. The shocking thing was she was able to lose the 50lbs during the 3 month period and the kicker here is she did it with eating right and exercising. She is not the only person I know that has lost weight just to be considered for that stupid surgery. Now I'm thinking if a person can loose weight for a surgery that has more complications and restrictions to their life, why they can't apply those methods to every day life. No one ever said life is easy so doing the right thing the right way never is.
O my apalment towards this surgery is worse when people applaud them for doing the surgery. Well , not me because the flip side to this is yes you did the surgery but did you fix the internal issues that caused you to get the size your are, most of the time the answer is no. So here you have a mass amount of people getting a quick fix but not fixing the main issues this is the problem of each person, medical professionals, and the diet industry. They do not fix the underlying issues but instead mask the issues with a quick fix or finger point. Come on now take responsibility for yourself, your actions and contributions to the cause which is obesity.
*Obesity is due to over consumption and yet no one attacks the $900 billion food industry. If people would not eat almost 3,000 calories a day and force the food industry to be responsible for the food that is being created that may help as well. Yet the point still remains each person needs to be responsible to their own actions. Remember this is a lifestyle choice not something you're born with and can not get out of. Making all of the excuses in the world will not change the fact that you as a person are responsible to yourself.
I truly believe if each person is accountable for what they do and actually care it may help with people to stop becoming more and more overweight. I have been skinny and fat.Now being fat again, I see no benefits in staying that way, let alone the health risk of being fat plus I just don't like the way I look to myself. I'm not loosing weight to fit a majority belief or because people don't find me attractive;I am making the change because I should be a healthy person. Once I knew this is what I wanted to do ,it caused me to change my mind set and to care what I eat(that is eating in moderation, there is this huge confusion with eating healthy and in moderations which a totally different topic)and work out daily to help myself fight the pounds. Indulge but don't over indulge because life is about balance not how easy you can make it.
* paraphrased from authors words
Monday, November 07, 2005
What is the definitions of a relationship
I read this today:
The lover is dependant, entirely, terriblly dependent on his beloved for something he needs, the reciprocity of his love… [but] He will only be loved if she finds him pre-eminiment. He must present himself in the guise in which she would see her beloved. This leads to a false presentation of the self and the chronic fear of exposure and loss of love
I read that paragraph and thought nothing of it at first until I looked at how I approached love. I did not realize till now that I was systematically taught to be dependant on my future lover in the stereotypical” true womanhood”
You may ask what the “true womanhood”? Well, it is four characteristic that a woman must have to be considered a “woman”, those are piety, purity, submissiveness, and domesticity. With those four traits they a woman is to care for any other male counterpart but to do that she must be completely dependant on whoever the male counterpart is.
Now going back to how I approach love in this mind frame. I’m not saying I fit all of the aspect of a “true woman” but I notice that some aspects I hold higher than others for example, I want to remain pure till marriage or I find the right guy. Looking at this I am being dutiful for Mr. Right thought my pure body and being submissive to my needs so that I can be domestic to his sexual needs. I rationalize this and I am yelling at my self saying,” I’m not like this I’m pretty feminist”! Yet I keep going back to what I think is the true way to be a woman and I don’t even realizing it.
This brings the questing what is right because a lot of what I have been taught or bombarded with from society is mostly a myth. Yes, that is right most of what we believe a man and a woman should be is ficitious, they were ideals that were welcomed by the masses and turned in to the way things should be. (I was so shocked when I figured that out but back on subject.)
Which caused me to think how do I go about this approach of figuring out what is right for me yet at the same time no go crazy from the double edge sword of thinking.
The lover is dependant, entirely, terriblly dependent on his beloved for something he needs, the reciprocity of his love… [but] He will only be loved if she finds him pre-eminiment. He must present himself in the guise in which she would see her beloved. This leads to a false presentation of the self and the chronic fear of exposure and loss of love
I read that paragraph and thought nothing of it at first until I looked at how I approached love. I did not realize till now that I was systematically taught to be dependant on my future lover in the stereotypical” true womanhood”
You may ask what the “true womanhood”? Well, it is four characteristic that a woman must have to be considered a “woman”, those are piety, purity, submissiveness, and domesticity. With those four traits they a woman is to care for any other male counterpart but to do that she must be completely dependant on whoever the male counterpart is.
Now going back to how I approach love in this mind frame. I’m not saying I fit all of the aspect of a “true woman” but I notice that some aspects I hold higher than others for example, I want to remain pure till marriage or I find the right guy. Looking at this I am being dutiful for Mr. Right thought my pure body and being submissive to my needs so that I can be domestic to his sexual needs. I rationalize this and I am yelling at my self saying,” I’m not like this I’m pretty feminist”! Yet I keep going back to what I think is the true way to be a woman and I don’t even realizing it.
This brings the questing what is right because a lot of what I have been taught or bombarded with from society is mostly a myth. Yes, that is right most of what we believe a man and a woman should be is ficitious, they were ideals that were welcomed by the masses and turned in to the way things should be. (I was so shocked when I figured that out but back on subject.)
Which caused me to think how do I go about this approach of figuring out what is right for me yet at the same time no go crazy from the double edge sword of thinking.
Friday, November 04, 2005
Could this be my love story
Could the love story that grips me be a, Romantic Rescue? Could this type of love give me better uses for love and give a better meaning and significance to my life. Love, in this story, is all-powerful. It is the catalyst to change to help my partner become the person they want themselves to be, and show the world what I am made of. Some people put themselves in the role of hero in this love story — nursing an ailing partner back to health, saving him from a string of previously destructive relationships, maybe even saving him from a physical danger. Other people with whom may share this story cast themselves as those in need of rescue - relying on their partners to swoop in and save them from whatever ill-fate's been visited upon them, either real or imagined.
If it is my love story then actions speak almost louder than words but words support actions. Another thought to this story is: If someone is willing to care for a loved one in times of adversity, they have already demonstrated a strong level of commitment, as well as proof that they can carry me through the tough times. They have also inspired in me a confidence that will not only be willing to, but looking to switch roles when the need arises. There is a distinct comfort in this.
So how exactly this story does goes? Many may say, have I experienced some loss in my life. Did I help take care of family members when I was young? Did I need more attention and care than my parents were able to provide? Could I tend to repeat my childhood roles in my adult relationships, whether I’m aware of it or not? If was a caregiver early in life, I may continue to be so in romantic relationships. If I needed more attention from parents, I automatically provide others with the care they wished they had received. (If you would like to know take time to ask)
Think about this while reading the basis of the story. Being needed is a basic human desire. Being able to depend on one another is what gives relationships meaning, so it's no wonder that this love story is so powerful. Evidence of the archetypal story is all around me — in history, books, and movies. In the classic fairytale "Beauty in the Beast," a woman brings out the softer side of a grumpy monster. She sees beyond his gruff exterior and gains his love in return. In "Breaking the Waves," Emily Watson plays a woman who makes the ultimate sacrifice to have her husband. He comes to regard her as a saint. My story is being told and retold because it resonates with so many people.
How do I find this love? Oddly enough it in found in the strangest of places. Do my romances tend to begin with a major drama, or a jarring event? A major historic event, a layoff at the office, a crisis I need to solve? I may often date people while they're in a transition period of their life? It is very common to feel especially appreciated if I feel that I have "earned" it by helping another person in some way. For some people, this love story helps cover up an insecurity that they are otherwise not good enough for their partner, that they might not have been noticed except for their role as caregiver. (humm)
I am a take-charge kind of person. Problems exist so I can fix them, and I tend to seek out projects. Was I the peacemaker in my family? Perhaps I was strapped with a lot of responsibilities at an early age. At times I tend to put others' well being before my own? I volunteer or give money to good causes. Am I likely a great friend, always listening and offering good advice? My self-confidence stems from my ability to make others happy and provide for their needs.
Although this love story tends to be categorized as "codependent," it can be mutually beneficial. Diamonds in the rough do exist, and if anyone's to uncover them, it'll be me. I find the good in people that others may overlook. I may have a way with drawing out people's best sides. They are inclined to respond to my kindness with warmth and generosity. This love story isn't just about me saving someone, it's about being saved myself. In helping another, I can ask for help in return. Remember, this love story is just a question of could, how, and why in a sense an outline. But can I follow it, yes, but I can scrap it and take my love life in a new direction. Understanding my story and the role it plays in my life is the first step in determining what's right.
This in no way is saying I am in love but instead stating that I have met someone that is causing me to think in this manor. I am calling these thoughts my love story which with all stories have a beginging plot or shall I say pre writting stage . I know these thoughts may take time to figure out but I guess as people say, one day at a time for understanding. In my world the way it goes thoughts are welcomed
me
If it is my love story then actions speak almost louder than words but words support actions. Another thought to this story is: If someone is willing to care for a loved one in times of adversity, they have already demonstrated a strong level of commitment, as well as proof that they can carry me through the tough times. They have also inspired in me a confidence that will not only be willing to, but looking to switch roles when the need arises. There is a distinct comfort in this.
So how exactly this story does goes? Many may say, have I experienced some loss in my life. Did I help take care of family members when I was young? Did I need more attention and care than my parents were able to provide? Could I tend to repeat my childhood roles in my adult relationships, whether I’m aware of it or not? If was a caregiver early in life, I may continue to be so in romantic relationships. If I needed more attention from parents, I automatically provide others with the care they wished they had received. (If you would like to know take time to ask)
Think about this while reading the basis of the story. Being needed is a basic human desire. Being able to depend on one another is what gives relationships meaning, so it's no wonder that this love story is so powerful. Evidence of the archetypal story is all around me — in history, books, and movies. In the classic fairytale "Beauty in the Beast," a woman brings out the softer side of a grumpy monster. She sees beyond his gruff exterior and gains his love in return. In "Breaking the Waves," Emily Watson plays a woman who makes the ultimate sacrifice to have her husband. He comes to regard her as a saint. My story is being told and retold because it resonates with so many people.
How do I find this love? Oddly enough it in found in the strangest of places. Do my romances tend to begin with a major drama, or a jarring event? A major historic event, a layoff at the office, a crisis I need to solve? I may often date people while they're in a transition period of their life? It is very common to feel especially appreciated if I feel that I have "earned" it by helping another person in some way. For some people, this love story helps cover up an insecurity that they are otherwise not good enough for their partner, that they might not have been noticed except for their role as caregiver. (humm)
I am a take-charge kind of person. Problems exist so I can fix them, and I tend to seek out projects. Was I the peacemaker in my family? Perhaps I was strapped with a lot of responsibilities at an early age. At times I tend to put others' well being before my own? I volunteer or give money to good causes. Am I likely a great friend, always listening and offering good advice? My self-confidence stems from my ability to make others happy and provide for their needs.
Although this love story tends to be categorized as "codependent," it can be mutually beneficial. Diamonds in the rough do exist, and if anyone's to uncover them, it'll be me. I find the good in people that others may overlook. I may have a way with drawing out people's best sides. They are inclined to respond to my kindness with warmth and generosity. This love story isn't just about me saving someone, it's about being saved myself. In helping another, I can ask for help in return. Remember, this love story is just a question of could, how, and why in a sense an outline. But can I follow it, yes, but I can scrap it and take my love life in a new direction. Understanding my story and the role it plays in my life is the first step in determining what's right.
This in no way is saying I am in love but instead stating that I have met someone that is causing me to think in this manor. I am calling these thoughts my love story which with all stories have a beginging plot or shall I say pre writting stage . I know these thoughts may take time to figure out but I guess as people say, one day at a time for understanding. In my world the way it goes thoughts are welcomed
me
Friday, October 28, 2005
The Way I See It # 42
This quote on the back of the starbucks cup has yet again caused me to go humm. It is pretty interesting ways to prompt the question as to what rights do living breathing creations have. I personally think all living things have rights; not giving rights to all living creatures is to say because this living creature is not human is why it does not have rights. To use that as a reason to not give a living creature rights is not justifiable logic. There has to be more involved than we are a high species and because of this we have the right to pick and choose. At times we each need to think with logic and not fear mixed with emotions. Each creature needs the other to live because as John Donne stated " No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is peece of the Continent, apart of the maine." The need to have the "great chain of being" to determine where each living creation needs to be is not necessary. What is necessary is to determine what each living creature has to offer, apply it to where it is needed and create laws and regulations to prevent chaos. I want to know, who are we as humans to determine who does and does not have rights. I'm just going to say that.
Well here is the quote that started me thinking it is by David Liss Author or A Spectacle of Corruption and The Coffee Trader;
We know that chimpanzees possess language, culture, and self-awareness, so why don't we afford them rights? The most common argument is that if we give chimps rights, the next thing you know we'll be giving rights to squirrels. It seems to me, however, a pretty poor decision to deny rights to those who deserve them lest we accidentally afford them to those who don't.
Well here is the quote that started me thinking it is by David Liss Author or A Spectacle of Corruption and The Coffee Trader;
We know that chimpanzees possess language, culture, and self-awareness, so why don't we afford them rights? The most common argument is that if we give chimps rights, the next thing you know we'll be giving rights to squirrels. It seems to me, however, a pretty poor decision to deny rights to those who deserve them lest we accidentally afford them to those who don't.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Pathways
Do not go where the path may lead.
Go instead where there is no path and leave
A trail
- R.W Emmerson
These last few days have been a bit of a “sign” giving moment. Yesterday I was walking around the building at work and a guy walks beside me. Here I am walking in my own world and minding my own business. I guess at time I look like the world is caving in on me when I focus outside of myself. Well I am turning the corner and the guy that is walking beside me says, “hold up towards God”. I smile and say ,”of course” and “Thanks”, but what he said to me caught me off guard especially since I said that this past Fridays incident was a sign. I just don’t know what to think about all of this but I know that no matter how much pushing the powers that be do I am not changing my stance on what I think. People may say if there is this much going on because you will not conform to the “norm” maybe your views are incorrect. I guess if I were to conform to what I was taught to learn maybe I would not need all of these “signs”. I need to know before I decide to do that if what I know is true. Sometime faith is not all a person needs to survive. There are answers that make sense to each individual person before they are to conform and a lot of the times with religion it is vague answers that do not help the confusion. I will take this one day at a time and make an educated and concise decision.
Go instead where there is no path and leave
A trail
- R.W Emmerson
These last few days have been a bit of a “sign” giving moment. Yesterday I was walking around the building at work and a guy walks beside me. Here I am walking in my own world and minding my own business. I guess at time I look like the world is caving in on me when I focus outside of myself. Well I am turning the corner and the guy that is walking beside me says, “hold up towards God”. I smile and say ,”of course” and “Thanks”, but what he said to me caught me off guard especially since I said that this past Fridays incident was a sign. I just don’t know what to think about all of this but I know that no matter how much pushing the powers that be do I am not changing my stance on what I think. People may say if there is this much going on because you will not conform to the “norm” maybe your views are incorrect. I guess if I were to conform to what I was taught to learn maybe I would not need all of these “signs”. I need to know before I decide to do that if what I know is true. Sometime faith is not all a person needs to survive. There are answers that make sense to each individual person before they are to conform and a lot of the times with religion it is vague answers that do not help the confusion. I will take this one day at a time and make an educated and concise decision.
Friday, October 21, 2005
The mad car
S came over to the apartment last night and things were well. He's so cute!!! I can see myself with him for a long time for many reasons but S is as eccentric as I am but way, way mellower. Which for me is good because at time I can go off the deep end and I need that balance or I will forget why I am doing what ever it is that I am doing. He met my sister and I hope it was a good impression. Well I know it was because I don't introduce my partners to my family unless they are a good person. After leaving here we went back to his place well I didn’t make it there. It was so odd to have what happen to me occur.
I was driving right next to S and I wanted to speed up. Once I started to speed up the car accelerated which I was ok with but then it jumped to 110 mph. Now keep in mind that I am in a SUV going down a some what busy street at 110mph and the kicker was that I could not stop the car. At the point I realized that the car would not stop I freaked. Ok I lost my damn mind. I ran through two red lights and almost got hit , but I knew that before I got to the next major intersection ,which had way more traffic, I needed to get the car under control. So I attempt to stop the car by placing it into park. BIG MISTAKE!! The car lost control and I went into a huge circle over two lanes, which were separated by and five to six inch median. I started screaming just out of fear of 1) flipping the truck over 2) hitting someone’s car and 3) hitting the office buildings I was near. Here I am at 11:45pm going in a circle, not being able to stop, and almost creating an accident. Wouldn't you freak but then again some people have been in other circumstances and handled it better than I did. Finally after I would say 15 minutes of going in a screaming, uncontrollable circle, t the mad car kicks into reverse and then jumps the curb into a pile of shrubs. Here I am in this demonic car feeling relieved it's over and anguished that I could not stop the car. I guess my screaming was so loud it caused some of the residents in the area to come over and help me out. They were really nice people and it made me glad that I am the type of person that would stop if I see a person in need of assistance. Well one of the onlookers called the police because she was not certain if any one was hurt which made me feel a little better. The highway patrol come to the area and asks if I was ok and ask if I need a tow service. Of course I would but before I could answer the male officer ask if he could get in the car to see if it was moveable. He moves the seat back and then proceeds to turn off the radio, he then turns to me and says, "Ma'am your floor mat was wedged into the gas pedal which caused the uncontrollable acceleration of the car." I almost fainted which then turned into embarrassment that I caused all this commotions because the damn floor mat was the reason I almost died. The officer drives the car out of the bush and tells me it is safe to drive the car. I did not want to get back into that car but the office reassures me that it is fine and that all I needed to do was removed the floor mat. As I am getting into the car S shows up and I was so happy to see him but at the same time I was so upset towards myself that I could not have figured that out. I allowed my fear to override my sense of reason that I could not figure out it was a small thing that prevented me from stopping. Honestly I don't want to drive ever again but I want to.
So, I drive off with S tailing me to make sure I'll be ok. I am sitting in the car driving shaken up from the whole experience’s pull over because I am fearful of anything else bad happening to me. Once I pulled over I started to cry, I don't know why but the tears just kept flowing. S pulls over as well and asks if I am ok. I feebly shake my head no and the tears just got worse. He opens the door and helps me out of the car. He then gives me the best hug I have ever had and tells me I am going to be fine. The skeptic that I am would have told him no but this time it felt genuine and I could not argue with his choice of words. For the first time in my life I let my guard down in front of someone. I usually hold back everything and give the idea that I am ok even though I am not. I felt really great to do that for one to show someone that I'm not ok. S was very reassuring, concerned, and in a sense protective. I thank the Supreme One for him at this point in my life and at that time last night. He was what I needed. Well I have to go; we're being a domesticated couple tonight. Ha-ha laundry, cooking and a movie. Really eventful there eh but I'm glad after the week I've had I need to not go clubbing this weekend.
Last note: Honestly I don't want to drive ever again but since RT is hella slow I guess I have no choice huh. It will take a week or two for me to make a joke out of this but I see it as a sign for some kind of change in my life. Now what is that I don't know but I'll figure it out?
:) Me remaining positive at all cost
I was driving right next to S and I wanted to speed up. Once I started to speed up the car accelerated which I was ok with but then it jumped to 110 mph. Now keep in mind that I am in a SUV going down a some what busy street at 110mph and the kicker was that I could not stop the car. At the point I realized that the car would not stop I freaked. Ok I lost my damn mind. I ran through two red lights and almost got hit , but I knew that before I got to the next major intersection ,which had way more traffic, I needed to get the car under control. So I attempt to stop the car by placing it into park. BIG MISTAKE!! The car lost control and I went into a huge circle over two lanes, which were separated by and five to six inch median. I started screaming just out of fear of 1) flipping the truck over 2) hitting someone’s car and 3) hitting the office buildings I was near. Here I am at 11:45pm going in a circle, not being able to stop, and almost creating an accident. Wouldn't you freak but then again some people have been in other circumstances and handled it better than I did. Finally after I would say 15 minutes of going in a screaming, uncontrollable circle, t the mad car kicks into reverse and then jumps the curb into a pile of shrubs. Here I am in this demonic car feeling relieved it's over and anguished that I could not stop the car. I guess my screaming was so loud it caused some of the residents in the area to come over and help me out. They were really nice people and it made me glad that I am the type of person that would stop if I see a person in need of assistance. Well one of the onlookers called the police because she was not certain if any one was hurt which made me feel a little better. The highway patrol come to the area and asks if I was ok and ask if I need a tow service. Of course I would but before I could answer the male officer ask if he could get in the car to see if it was moveable. He moves the seat back and then proceeds to turn off the radio, he then turns to me and says, "Ma'am your floor mat was wedged into the gas pedal which caused the uncontrollable acceleration of the car." I almost fainted which then turned into embarrassment that I caused all this commotions because the damn floor mat was the reason I almost died. The officer drives the car out of the bush and tells me it is safe to drive the car. I did not want to get back into that car but the office reassures me that it is fine and that all I needed to do was removed the floor mat. As I am getting into the car S shows up and I was so happy to see him but at the same time I was so upset towards myself that I could not have figured that out. I allowed my fear to override my sense of reason that I could not figure out it was a small thing that prevented me from stopping. Honestly I don't want to drive ever again but I want to.
So, I drive off with S tailing me to make sure I'll be ok. I am sitting in the car driving shaken up from the whole experience’s pull over because I am fearful of anything else bad happening to me. Once I pulled over I started to cry, I don't know why but the tears just kept flowing. S pulls over as well and asks if I am ok. I feebly shake my head no and the tears just got worse. He opens the door and helps me out of the car. He then gives me the best hug I have ever had and tells me I am going to be fine. The skeptic that I am would have told him no but this time it felt genuine and I could not argue with his choice of words. For the first time in my life I let my guard down in front of someone. I usually hold back everything and give the idea that I am ok even though I am not. I felt really great to do that for one to show someone that I'm not ok. S was very reassuring, concerned, and in a sense protective. I thank the Supreme One for him at this point in my life and at that time last night. He was what I needed. Well I have to go; we're being a domesticated couple tonight. Ha-ha laundry, cooking and a movie. Really eventful there eh but I'm glad after the week I've had I need to not go clubbing this weekend.
Last note: Honestly I don't want to drive ever again but since RT is hella slow I guess I have no choice huh. It will take a week or two for me to make a joke out of this but I see it as a sign for some kind of change in my life. Now what is that I don't know but I'll figure it out?
:) Me remaining positive at all cost
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Guesstimate
Guesstimate
Function: verb [with object]
Inflected forms:
Guesstimates; guesstimated; guesstimating
Status: informal
Meaning:
: To make a quick estimate of (something)
Example:
Derived form:
Guesstimate noun [count]
Plural: guesstimates
Status: informal
Example:
I was floored when I got this word in my email today. Guesstimate is a word *ahhhhhhrr* I have been using this word forever. Seeing this in my email for the new word of the day was a very funny start to my day. To give clear understanding why I get a new word of the day is because of my college composition teacher. Professor Moniet stated that we as Americans are loosing our ability to speak with a variety of vocabulary. I heard that and it rang very true for me, so I went online to Miriam Webster dictionary online (www.m-w.com) and signed up for the new word of the day. When I get the word I write a sentence and try to use it in every day conversation, just like I used to do when I was in grade school. The teacher would give our class a list of 25 vocabulary words for the week and by the end of the week the words would have to be written out 10 times used twice in a sentence. I would say from grade 1-5 I knew a lot of words, then I was introduced to public school and vocabulary disappeared which was sad.
I guess I have always been learning words because I like to read. When I read it is with a notebook and dictionary in hand. The reason I have those two items is for words I don't know or understand in their context. If I read a word I don't know or understand I would write the word or sentence down, then look it up in the dictionary, afterwards write the definition and then keep reading. I know reading a book may take forever since I spend a lot of time looking things up. Then that statement bright up this question: Would spending time looking up words I don't understand and going through the whole process to gain an understanding of words I do not know, create for me the ability to become a critical thinker and reader?
I don't know that answer but I guess I would need to spend time evaluating that question for myself since I have to read a book for the American history class I am taking. The book is titled, " The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap”, by Stephanie Coontz. In the words of the author the book,” examines the myths and half-truths that surround our understanding of American families, both past and present." I am going to write about my views and understandings of this book while reading this for a final essay in my history class. I will create another blog website titled after the book and go from there. Also any other books I happen to read as well will go here :
booksreaders.blogspot.com
:)Me
Function: verb [with object]
Inflected forms:
Guesstimates; guesstimated; guesstimating
Status: informal
Meaning:
: To make a quick estimate of (something)
Example:
Derived form:
Guesstimate noun [count]
Plural: guesstimates
Status: informal
Example:
I was floored when I got this word in my email today. Guesstimate is a word *ahhhhhhrr* I have been using this word forever. Seeing this in my email for the new word of the day was a very funny start to my day. To give clear understanding why I get a new word of the day is because of my college composition teacher. Professor Moniet stated that we as Americans are loosing our ability to speak with a variety of vocabulary. I heard that and it rang very true for me, so I went online to Miriam Webster dictionary online (www.m-w.com) and signed up for the new word of the day. When I get the word I write a sentence and try to use it in every day conversation, just like I used to do when I was in grade school. The teacher would give our class a list of 25 vocabulary words for the week and by the end of the week the words would have to be written out 10 times used twice in a sentence. I would say from grade 1-5 I knew a lot of words, then I was introduced to public school and vocabulary disappeared which was sad.
I guess I have always been learning words because I like to read. When I read it is with a notebook and dictionary in hand. The reason I have those two items is for words I don't know or understand in their context. If I read a word I don't know or understand I would write the word or sentence down, then look it up in the dictionary, afterwards write the definition and then keep reading. I know reading a book may take forever since I spend a lot of time looking things up. Then that statement bright up this question: Would spending time looking up words I don't understand and going through the whole process to gain an understanding of words I do not know, create for me the ability to become a critical thinker and reader?
I don't know that answer but I guess I would need to spend time evaluating that question for myself since I have to read a book for the American history class I am taking. The book is titled, " The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap”, by Stephanie Coontz. In the words of the author the book,” examines the myths and half-truths that surround our understanding of American families, both past and present." I am going to write about my views and understandings of this book while reading this for a final essay in my history class. I will create another blog website titled after the book and go from there. Also any other books I happen to read as well will go here :
booksreaders.blogspot.com
:)Me
10 ways to avoid outrageous hospital overcharges
10 ways to avoid outrageous hospital overcharges
Profit-hungry hospitals are overcharging consumers an estimated $10 billion a year. Some deliberately work to keep bills indecipherable. Here's how to fight back. By Peter Davidson,
Bankrate.com
-I want people to read this and understand that we as Americans are getting ripped off because we do not take the time to know what we are being charged for by our medical providers. It is a very hard process to get answers but it will save hundreds even thousands of dollars if the extra initiative is put in. Talk to the lawmakers in your area to create ideas for billing in the medical industry understandable. Keep pushing till something is done.
American hospitals are fleecing patients out of billions of dollars annually, and experts say that while some of the overcharges are honest errors, many are deliberate. That's because hospital bills are next to impossible for consumers to understand, which means hospitals can hide improper charges behind mysterious medical terminology and baffling codes.That's what Nora Johnson found when her 56-year-old husband, Bill, underwent hip-replacement surgery in 1999. The cost of the operation was $25,000. Knowing that her family would have to pay a percentage of the costs, she requested an itemized bill.$129 for a box of tissues"What I got was five feet of single-spaced names and codes," recalls Johnson. Written in "hospital-speak," some of it made sense, she says, while some of it was absurd. Like the charge for newborn blood tests and a crib mobile. That stopped me in my tracks," recalls Johnson. "As far as I know, my husband never had a baby."Johnson, from Caldwell, W.Va., was so shocked by the overcharges she became a trained medical billing advocate. Today, she audits hospital bills for consumers and for state employees in West Virginia."More than 90% of the hospital bills I've audited have gross overcharges," says Johnson. Estimates on hospital overcharges run up to $10 billion a year, with an average of $1,300 per hospital stay. Other experts say overcharges make up approximately 5% of hospital bills. "I've seen $90 charged for a 70-cent I.V. How about $129 for a mucous recovery system? That's a box of Kleenex," Johnson adds.
She's also seen charges for ordinary supplies, such as towels and sheets, that should be included in the room charges.Johnson says some overcharges are mistakes, but many are deliberate. "Hospitals are huge moneymakers," she explains. "Their executives enjoy big bonuses." As a result, "Hospitals have become highly innovative when it comes to billing, and ordinary citizens have no idea they're being ripped off," says Johnson, who is affiliated with Salem, Va.-based Medical Billing Advocates of America.Experts baffled, tooBut making sure that you are charged correctly can be a daunting task. That's what Richard Clarke found out firsthand shortly after his father died in 2000.Despite the fact that he is a former hospital chief financial officer, Clarke admits, sorting through the bills took him a year. In the end he found $2,000 in errors.
That's because bills from just one hospital stay will come pouring in, and they come from many providers: Your surgeon, anesthesiologist, pathologist, labs, as well as the hospital.Bill Mahon is executive director of the National Health Care Anti-Fraud Association, a group of insurers and law enforcement officials in Washington, D.C. He says patients are helpless to decipher their bills. As a result, says Mahon, providers can slip in overcharges."The medical billing system is complicated and confusing," admits Rick H. Wade, senior vice president of the American Hospital Association, which represents most of the hospitals in the United States. On Dec. 27, 2002, he told a "Dateline NBC" investigative team, "Trying to understand all the code words and jargon can turn your brain into oatmeal."Hospitals discourage consumers from checking billsBecause health insurance plans have different contracts with differing payment schedules, there is no single rate sheet you can consult.Nevertheless, experts say reviewing your bill for overcharges is vital. For one thing, if you are required to pay some of your hospital expenses, either as a deductible or a co-payment, overcharges will come out of your pocket. What's more, most insurance plans have a cap, meaning, "Money siphoned off by errors or fraud can chip away at your lifetime total," says Tom Brennan, Blue Cross/Blue Shield's director of special investigations.Your credit rating may be at risk too. "Hospitals have become very aggressive about collecting money," says Nora Johnson. And, according to a 1998 study of hospital billing procedures, they go to extraordinary lengths to discourage patients from delving too deeply into their bills. "Citizens are becoming more educated about hospital billing and taking responsibility of ensuring that their charges are correct," said the study's principal author, Dr. Kimberly Elsbach, of the University of California, Davis. "Hospitals are countering that with their own efforts to discourage people from becoming involved with challenges or audits because it costs them a great deal of time and money."And they waste no time turning accounts over to collection agencies or filing liens.
Don't be taken for a rideNevertheless, experts say you can take these steps to make sure that you're not taken for a ride.
If your hospitalization isn't for an emergency, check your insurance policy to find out just what it will cover and how much it will pay. Be sure to carefully review the section on "exceptions and exclusions." It will tell you what your plan will not cover.
Phone the hospital's billing department and ask them what you will be charged for the room, and just what the room charges cover. If tissues aren't included, for example, bring your own.
Ask your doctor to estimate your cost of treatment. Also, ask if you can bring your regular prescriptions from home to avoid paying for medications administered at the hospital.
Make sure that everyone who will be treating you -- the surgeon, anesthesiologist, radiologist, pathologist, etc. -- participates in your insurance plan.
If you can, keep your own log of tests, medications, and treatments. If you are not able to, ask a friend or loved one to do it for you.
At some point you will receive an explanation of benefits (EOB) from your insurance company (if you're on Medicare, you will receive a summary notice). It will say, "This is not a bill." Don't toss it in the trash. Examine it. It will tell you how much the hospital is charging, what your insurance plan will cover, and what you will have to pay out of your own pocket in deductibles and co-payments.
Never pay your bill before leaving the hospital -- even if you're told that it's required.
When you get your bill, read it carefully. Compare it to the log you made, to the EOB, and to the estimate of costs you requested before you were admitted.
If there are items you don't understand, call the billing department and your insurer, and ask them to explain. Don't accept bills that use terms like "lab fees," or "miscellaneous fees." Demand an itemization. If you don't get satisfaction from the hospital billing department -- and you probably won't -- appeal in writing to the hospital administrator or patient ombudsman.
If you are still scratching your head, ask for an itemized bill as well as your medical records to confirm whether or not you received the treatments and medications you've been billed for. Every state now requires hospitals to provide itemized bills.Since helping sort out his late father's medical bills, Richard Clarke, the former hospital CFO, has became founder and president of the Healthcare Financial Management Association, an Illinois-based association of medical finance officers who work with the American Hospital Association and other groups to develop more consumer-friendly billing.They're aiming for easy-to-read bills and printed pamphlets that will help consumers understand hospital-speak. Until that happens, however, consumers will be on their own.
Profit-hungry hospitals are overcharging consumers an estimated $10 billion a year. Some deliberately work to keep bills indecipherable. Here's how to fight back. By Peter Davidson,
Bankrate.com
-I want people to read this and understand that we as Americans are getting ripped off because we do not take the time to know what we are being charged for by our medical providers. It is a very hard process to get answers but it will save hundreds even thousands of dollars if the extra initiative is put in. Talk to the lawmakers in your area to create ideas for billing in the medical industry understandable. Keep pushing till something is done.
American hospitals are fleecing patients out of billions of dollars annually, and experts say that while some of the overcharges are honest errors, many are deliberate. That's because hospital bills are next to impossible for consumers to understand, which means hospitals can hide improper charges behind mysterious medical terminology and baffling codes.That's what Nora Johnson found when her 56-year-old husband, Bill, underwent hip-replacement surgery in 1999. The cost of the operation was $25,000. Knowing that her family would have to pay a percentage of the costs, she requested an itemized bill.$129 for a box of tissues"What I got was five feet of single-spaced names and codes," recalls Johnson. Written in "hospital-speak," some of it made sense, she says, while some of it was absurd. Like the charge for newborn blood tests and a crib mobile. That stopped me in my tracks," recalls Johnson. "As far as I know, my husband never had a baby."Johnson, from Caldwell, W.Va., was so shocked by the overcharges she became a trained medical billing advocate. Today, she audits hospital bills for consumers and for state employees in West Virginia."More than 90% of the hospital bills I've audited have gross overcharges," says Johnson. Estimates on hospital overcharges run up to $10 billion a year, with an average of $1,300 per hospital stay. Other experts say overcharges make up approximately 5% of hospital bills. "I've seen $90 charged for a 70-cent I.V. How about $129 for a mucous recovery system? That's a box of Kleenex," Johnson adds.
She's also seen charges for ordinary supplies, such as towels and sheets, that should be included in the room charges.Johnson says some overcharges are mistakes, but many are deliberate. "Hospitals are huge moneymakers," she explains. "Their executives enjoy big bonuses." As a result, "Hospitals have become highly innovative when it comes to billing, and ordinary citizens have no idea they're being ripped off," says Johnson, who is affiliated with Salem, Va.-based Medical Billing Advocates of America.Experts baffled, tooBut making sure that you are charged correctly can be a daunting task. That's what Richard Clarke found out firsthand shortly after his father died in 2000.Despite the fact that he is a former hospital chief financial officer, Clarke admits, sorting through the bills took him a year. In the end he found $2,000 in errors.
That's because bills from just one hospital stay will come pouring in, and they come from many providers: Your surgeon, anesthesiologist, pathologist, labs, as well as the hospital.Bill Mahon is executive director of the National Health Care Anti-Fraud Association, a group of insurers and law enforcement officials in Washington, D.C. He says patients are helpless to decipher their bills. As a result, says Mahon, providers can slip in overcharges."The medical billing system is complicated and confusing," admits Rick H. Wade, senior vice president of the American Hospital Association, which represents most of the hospitals in the United States. On Dec. 27, 2002, he told a "Dateline NBC" investigative team, "Trying to understand all the code words and jargon can turn your brain into oatmeal."Hospitals discourage consumers from checking billsBecause health insurance plans have different contracts with differing payment schedules, there is no single rate sheet you can consult.Nevertheless, experts say reviewing your bill for overcharges is vital. For one thing, if you are required to pay some of your hospital expenses, either as a deductible or a co-payment, overcharges will come out of your pocket. What's more, most insurance plans have a cap, meaning, "Money siphoned off by errors or fraud can chip away at your lifetime total," says Tom Brennan, Blue Cross/Blue Shield's director of special investigations.Your credit rating may be at risk too. "Hospitals have become very aggressive about collecting money," says Nora Johnson. And, according to a 1998 study of hospital billing procedures, they go to extraordinary lengths to discourage patients from delving too deeply into their bills. "Citizens are becoming more educated about hospital billing and taking responsibility of ensuring that their charges are correct," said the study's principal author, Dr. Kimberly Elsbach, of the University of California, Davis. "Hospitals are countering that with their own efforts to discourage people from becoming involved with challenges or audits because it costs them a great deal of time and money."And they waste no time turning accounts over to collection agencies or filing liens.
Don't be taken for a rideNevertheless, experts say you can take these steps to make sure that you're not taken for a ride.
If your hospitalization isn't for an emergency, check your insurance policy to find out just what it will cover and how much it will pay. Be sure to carefully review the section on "exceptions and exclusions." It will tell you what your plan will not cover.
Phone the hospital's billing department and ask them what you will be charged for the room, and just what the room charges cover. If tissues aren't included, for example, bring your own.
Ask your doctor to estimate your cost of treatment. Also, ask if you can bring your regular prescriptions from home to avoid paying for medications administered at the hospital.
Make sure that everyone who will be treating you -- the surgeon, anesthesiologist, radiologist, pathologist, etc. -- participates in your insurance plan.
If you can, keep your own log of tests, medications, and treatments. If you are not able to, ask a friend or loved one to do it for you.
At some point you will receive an explanation of benefits (EOB) from your insurance company (if you're on Medicare, you will receive a summary notice). It will say, "This is not a bill." Don't toss it in the trash. Examine it. It will tell you how much the hospital is charging, what your insurance plan will cover, and what you will have to pay out of your own pocket in deductibles and co-payments.
Never pay your bill before leaving the hospital -- even if you're told that it's required.
When you get your bill, read it carefully. Compare it to the log you made, to the EOB, and to the estimate of costs you requested before you were admitted.
If there are items you don't understand, call the billing department and your insurer, and ask them to explain. Don't accept bills that use terms like "lab fees," or "miscellaneous fees." Demand an itemization. If you don't get satisfaction from the hospital billing department -- and you probably won't -- appeal in writing to the hospital administrator or patient ombudsman.
If you are still scratching your head, ask for an itemized bill as well as your medical records to confirm whether or not you received the treatments and medications you've been billed for. Every state now requires hospitals to provide itemized bills.Since helping sort out his late father's medical bills, Richard Clarke, the former hospital CFO, has became founder and president of the Healthcare Financial Management Association, an Illinois-based association of medical finance officers who work with the American Hospital Association and other groups to develop more consumer-friendly billing.They're aiming for easy-to-read bills and printed pamphlets that will help consumers understand hospital-speak. Until that happens, however, consumers will be on their own.
Safeguard your Social Security number
Safeguard your Social Security number
Protect yourself from identity theft by keeping a tight rein on your Social Security number. Only a few organizations have the right to demand it. Here's how to fend off the rest. By Bankrate.com
- Laziness is the condemnation of the person who thinks convenience is with the universal all. Everyone be careful. Since we are a society who believes that one size fits all, one place for all needs, one system to hold every thing we are condemned to have these issues. Reason being variety is the fruit of life as well safety. If you don't need to give extra information about yourself don't. A side note if someone calls you don't give up your extra sensitive information , but if you call them rule of thumb you can give your sensitive info but get the name, ext, location, and superiors name of the person you give this information to . No one else is going to keep tabs for you but you.
"I think it's spooky.Everybody has that one number, and everything about you is tied to it," worries Jim Edwards, program director at WJNO in West Palm Beach, Fla."Put it in a computer and poof -- here's your bank account, your phone number, where you work."The key to all that private information? Your Social Security number. Edwards was way ahead of most people. Back in the early '80s, he refused to give his Social Security number when he enrolled at Miami Dade Community College. The school wanted to use it as a student identification number, but Edwards held his ground and the school gave him a different number -- all zeros, as he recalls.Today, schools, phone companies, utilities, health clubs, insurance companies, video stores -- just about everybody wants your Social Security number. Some of the more prevalent uses are to get your credit rating and determine whether you pay your bills, and to keep track of you through name and address changes. But companies also use your Social Security number to develop marketing lists, which they can sell to other companies. A list with the numbers is more valuable than one without.Why should you care who sees your Social Security number? The more people who see it, the more susceptible you are to identity theft, where you are victimized by someone fraudulently using your name and credit report to steal money.Identity theft costs American businesses billions each year, costs that are eventually passed on to all consumers. The toll on victims is heavy, too. The California Public Interest Research Group estimates that, on average, an identity theft victim will spend 175 hours and $800 trying to clear their record of fraudulent charges.
"I've seen accounts opened with wrong names and different addresses. As long as there's a SSN, that's all some of them care about," says Linda Foley of the Identity Theft Research Center in San Diego.Who has the right to ask for your digits?While any business can ask for your Social Security number, there are very few entities that can actually demand it -- motor vehicle departments, tax departments and welfare departments, for example. Also, SSNs are required for transactions involving taxes, so that means banks, brokerages, employers, and the like also have a legitimate need for your SSN. Most other businesses have no legal right to demand your number."There is no law prohibiting a business from asking for your Social Security number, but people don't know they can say no," says Carolyn Cheezum of the Social Security Administration."We recommend that you ask if they'll accept an alternative piece of identification. If they don't, flat-out refuse to do business with them. Bear in mind that there's a possibility they'll refuse to provide whatever product or service you're seeking."Edwards, for example, won't give his Social Security number to his doctor's office."When you go to the doctor's office and fill out the medical information, they ask for the SSN. I leave it blank. Nothing happens. I'm not reporting income from them."In fact, chances are good that many companies that routinely ask for Social Security numbers will do business with you even if they can't have your number."We ask for a Social Security number to open an account, but it's not required," says Michael Lowndes of the Long Island Power Authority."The Social Security number is just part of the customer's record. A common problem with utility accounts is people open an account, default and reopen another account using the same Social. We can use that to discover the problem."Kimberly Brown at Bell South headquarters in Atlanta says there's a procedure the company follows if someone doesn't want to give his number."We ask them to fill out a questionnaire to determine their payment history. We don't do a credit check; we depend on them being honest. The questionnaire determines the Bell South rating for them, and then that determines whether they'll have to pay a deposit to establish service."Your cat is sick? Give us your Social Security numberLinda Foley of the Identity Theft Research Center says she brought her critically ill cat to a vet's office and balked when she was asked for her SSN."I said why? Will it be my cat's ID number? They said no, but if you give us a check we want a driver's license and a SSN in case the check bounces. I said I'd pay by credit card. They said it's our policy to get the number. "I said if I give you a credit card and refuse to give you my Social Security number, you'd let my cat die right now? They looked at me and the cat and said, 'Give us the card; we'll take care of it.' I was upset about the cat, but I was frustrated by the way I was being treated. It was unnecessary."Social Security numbers and identity theftSocial Security numbers exist for the purpose of tracking earnings and paying benefits, Cheezum says. Although President Franklin Roosevelt signed an order requiring federal agencies to use SSNs for record-keeping systems, they were never meant to be used by businesses as an identifier, but have taken on that role because everyone has one.But the snowballing problem of identity theft is spurring some governments to limit the use of SSNs.
California is leading the way with its law barring businesses, health care providers and schools from:
Publicly posting Social Security numbers or requiring them for access to products or services.
Printing of Social Security numbers on cards required for accessing products or services.
Requiring an individual to use his or her Social Security number to access a Web site unless a password is also required to access the site.Printing an individual's SSN on any materials that are mailed to the individual.
The state of New York limits the use of Social Security numbers in schools and colleges. New York public and private schools cannot publicly display Social Security numbers. Many are opting to assign students identification numbers.
Arizona has passed similar legislation.Foley says she hopes other states will follow suit and be even more restrictive so that SSNs will eventually be used only for a few selective purposes.
But, Foley says, until that happens, the first defense against the fraudulent use of Social Security numbers are the companies that issue credit."Are they verifying that the person applying for credit is the true consumer? Are they looking carefully for red flags that might alert them to possible fraudulent use? If a credit application has a last name spelled incorrectly or an address different from the credit record, that should provoke someone into calling the consumer."Some privacy rights proponents say Social Security numbers shouldn't be used for obtaining credit. Does that mean a second number would have to be issued for people seeking credit? Would that be any better than the current system?More protections in CaliforniaPerhaps California's newly enacted privacy law offers a better option.In addition to limiting the use of Social Security numbers, the law allows a consumer to place a "security freeze" on his credit report. The freeze prohibits consumer-credit-reporting agencies from releasing the consumer's credit report or any information from it without express authorization from the consumer.
Time will tell if that provision works better than the more common "alerts" that many people put on their credit reports. With an "alert" a consumer is supposed to be notified that someone is attempting to obtain credit in his or her name. But stories abound of breakdowns in the system. If someone uses your Social Security number to obtain credit and doesn't pay the bills, you'll discover the fraud as soon as the bill collectors come calling. But sometimes an identity thief actually pays the bills and, in those instances, it could be a long time before you discover the fraud.The best way to find out if someone is fraudulently using your Social Security number is to request copies of your credit reports at least once a year. There are three main credit-reporting agencies. It's a good idea to get a copy of your report from each agency so you can check for discrepancies. You can order your credit report from: TransUnion, Equifax and Experian.
Protect yourself from identity theft by keeping a tight rein on your Social Security number. Only a few organizations have the right to demand it. Here's how to fend off the rest. By Bankrate.com
- Laziness is the condemnation of the person who thinks convenience is with the universal all. Everyone be careful. Since we are a society who believes that one size fits all, one place for all needs, one system to hold every thing we are condemned to have these issues. Reason being variety is the fruit of life as well safety. If you don't need to give extra information about yourself don't. A side note if someone calls you don't give up your extra sensitive information , but if you call them rule of thumb you can give your sensitive info but get the name, ext, location, and superiors name of the person you give this information to . No one else is going to keep tabs for you but you.
"I think it's spooky.Everybody has that one number, and everything about you is tied to it," worries Jim Edwards, program director at WJNO in West Palm Beach, Fla."Put it in a computer and poof -- here's your bank account, your phone number, where you work."The key to all that private information? Your Social Security number. Edwards was way ahead of most people. Back in the early '80s, he refused to give his Social Security number when he enrolled at Miami Dade Community College. The school wanted to use it as a student identification number, but Edwards held his ground and the school gave him a different number -- all zeros, as he recalls.Today, schools, phone companies, utilities, health clubs, insurance companies, video stores -- just about everybody wants your Social Security number. Some of the more prevalent uses are to get your credit rating and determine whether you pay your bills, and to keep track of you through name and address changes. But companies also use your Social Security number to develop marketing lists, which they can sell to other companies. A list with the numbers is more valuable than one without.Why should you care who sees your Social Security number? The more people who see it, the more susceptible you are to identity theft, where you are victimized by someone fraudulently using your name and credit report to steal money.Identity theft costs American businesses billions each year, costs that are eventually passed on to all consumers. The toll on victims is heavy, too. The California Public Interest Research Group estimates that, on average, an identity theft victim will spend 175 hours and $800 trying to clear their record of fraudulent charges.
"I've seen accounts opened with wrong names and different addresses. As long as there's a SSN, that's all some of them care about," says Linda Foley of the Identity Theft Research Center in San Diego.Who has the right to ask for your digits?While any business can ask for your Social Security number, there are very few entities that can actually demand it -- motor vehicle departments, tax departments and welfare departments, for example. Also, SSNs are required for transactions involving taxes, so that means banks, brokerages, employers, and the like also have a legitimate need for your SSN. Most other businesses have no legal right to demand your number."There is no law prohibiting a business from asking for your Social Security number, but people don't know they can say no," says Carolyn Cheezum of the Social Security Administration."We recommend that you ask if they'll accept an alternative piece of identification. If they don't, flat-out refuse to do business with them. Bear in mind that there's a possibility they'll refuse to provide whatever product or service you're seeking."Edwards, for example, won't give his Social Security number to his doctor's office."When you go to the doctor's office and fill out the medical information, they ask for the SSN. I leave it blank. Nothing happens. I'm not reporting income from them."In fact, chances are good that many companies that routinely ask for Social Security numbers will do business with you even if they can't have your number."We ask for a Social Security number to open an account, but it's not required," says Michael Lowndes of the Long Island Power Authority."The Social Security number is just part of the customer's record. A common problem with utility accounts is people open an account, default and reopen another account using the same Social. We can use that to discover the problem."Kimberly Brown at Bell South headquarters in Atlanta says there's a procedure the company follows if someone doesn't want to give his number."We ask them to fill out a questionnaire to determine their payment history. We don't do a credit check; we depend on them being honest. The questionnaire determines the Bell South rating for them, and then that determines whether they'll have to pay a deposit to establish service."Your cat is sick? Give us your Social Security numberLinda Foley of the Identity Theft Research Center says she brought her critically ill cat to a vet's office and balked when she was asked for her SSN."I said why? Will it be my cat's ID number? They said no, but if you give us a check we want a driver's license and a SSN in case the check bounces. I said I'd pay by credit card. They said it's our policy to get the number. "I said if I give you a credit card and refuse to give you my Social Security number, you'd let my cat die right now? They looked at me and the cat and said, 'Give us the card; we'll take care of it.' I was upset about the cat, but I was frustrated by the way I was being treated. It was unnecessary."Social Security numbers and identity theftSocial Security numbers exist for the purpose of tracking earnings and paying benefits, Cheezum says. Although President Franklin Roosevelt signed an order requiring federal agencies to use SSNs for record-keeping systems, they were never meant to be used by businesses as an identifier, but have taken on that role because everyone has one.But the snowballing problem of identity theft is spurring some governments to limit the use of SSNs.
California is leading the way with its law barring businesses, health care providers and schools from:
Publicly posting Social Security numbers or requiring them for access to products or services.
Printing of Social Security numbers on cards required for accessing products or services.
Requiring an individual to use his or her Social Security number to access a Web site unless a password is also required to access the site.Printing an individual's SSN on any materials that are mailed to the individual.
The state of New York limits the use of Social Security numbers in schools and colleges. New York public and private schools cannot publicly display Social Security numbers. Many are opting to assign students identification numbers.
Arizona has passed similar legislation.Foley says she hopes other states will follow suit and be even more restrictive so that SSNs will eventually be used only for a few selective purposes.
But, Foley says, until that happens, the first defense against the fraudulent use of Social Security numbers are the companies that issue credit."Are they verifying that the person applying for credit is the true consumer? Are they looking carefully for red flags that might alert them to possible fraudulent use? If a credit application has a last name spelled incorrectly or an address different from the credit record, that should provoke someone into calling the consumer."Some privacy rights proponents say Social Security numbers shouldn't be used for obtaining credit. Does that mean a second number would have to be issued for people seeking credit? Would that be any better than the current system?More protections in CaliforniaPerhaps California's newly enacted privacy law offers a better option.In addition to limiting the use of Social Security numbers, the law allows a consumer to place a "security freeze" on his credit report. The freeze prohibits consumer-credit-reporting agencies from releasing the consumer's credit report or any information from it without express authorization from the consumer.
Time will tell if that provision works better than the more common "alerts" that many people put on their credit reports. With an "alert" a consumer is supposed to be notified that someone is attempting to obtain credit in his or her name. But stories abound of breakdowns in the system. If someone uses your Social Security number to obtain credit and doesn't pay the bills, you'll discover the fraud as soon as the bill collectors come calling. But sometimes an identity thief actually pays the bills and, in those instances, it could be a long time before you discover the fraud.The best way to find out if someone is fraudulently using your Social Security number is to request copies of your credit reports at least once a year. There are three main credit-reporting agencies. It's a good idea to get a copy of your report from each agency so you can check for discrepancies. You can order your credit report from: TransUnion, Equifax and Experian.
A way to abloish Crime in America
White House criticizes Bennett for comments Ex-education secretary tied crime rate to aborting black babies
The Associated Press
Updated: 7:55 p.m. ET Sept. 30, 2005
-I was appaled when I read this article. Crime is not an African American cause it is a cause of people who declined to follow the moral standards. What next how to get rid of racism? Abort all the White American babies. When people speak they do not speak what is true from logic and facts but instead from emotions and an unbais fear.
WASHINGTON - The White House on Friday criticized former Education Secretary William Bennett for remarks linking the crime rate and the abortion of black babies.
“The president believes the comments were not appropriate,” White House press secretary Scott McClellan said.
Bennett, on his radio show, “Morning in America,” was answering a caller’s question when he took issue with the hypothesis put forth in a recent book that one reason crime is down is that abortion is up.
“But I do know that it’s true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down,” said Bennett, author of “The Book of Virtues.”
He went on to call that “an impossible, ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky.”
Democrats demand apologyOn Thursday, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid and other Democrats demanded that Bennett apologize for the remarks.
Responding later to criticism, Bennett said his comments had been mischaracterized and that his point was that the idea of supporting abortion to reduce crime was “morally reprehensible.”
On his show Thursday, Bennett, who opposes abortion, said he was “pointing out that abortion should not be opposed for economic reasons any more than racism ... should be supported or opposed for economic reasons. Immoral policies are wrong because they are wrong, not because of an economic calculation.”
Reid, D-Nev., said he was “appalled by Mr. Bennett’s remarks” and called on him “to issue an immediate apology not only to African Americans but to the nation.”
Rep. Raum Emanuel, D-Ill., said in a statement, “At the very time our country yearns for national unity in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, these comments reflect a spirit of hate and division.”
The Associated Press
Updated: 7:55 p.m. ET Sept. 30, 2005
-I was appaled when I read this article. Crime is not an African American cause it is a cause of people who declined to follow the moral standards. What next how to get rid of racism? Abort all the White American babies. When people speak they do not speak what is true from logic and facts but instead from emotions and an unbais fear.
WASHINGTON - The White House on Friday criticized former Education Secretary William Bennett for remarks linking the crime rate and the abortion of black babies.
“The president believes the comments were not appropriate,” White House press secretary Scott McClellan said.
Bennett, on his radio show, “Morning in America,” was answering a caller’s question when he took issue with the hypothesis put forth in a recent book that one reason crime is down is that abortion is up.
“But I do know that it’s true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down,” said Bennett, author of “The Book of Virtues.”
He went on to call that “an impossible, ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky.”
Democrats demand apologyOn Thursday, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid and other Democrats demanded that Bennett apologize for the remarks.
Responding later to criticism, Bennett said his comments had been mischaracterized and that his point was that the idea of supporting abortion to reduce crime was “morally reprehensible.”
On his show Thursday, Bennett, who opposes abortion, said he was “pointing out that abortion should not be opposed for economic reasons any more than racism ... should be supported or opposed for economic reasons. Immoral policies are wrong because they are wrong, not because of an economic calculation.”
Reid, D-Nev., said he was “appalled by Mr. Bennett’s remarks” and called on him “to issue an immediate apology not only to African Americans but to the nation.”
Rep. Raum Emanuel, D-Ill., said in a statement, “At the very time our country yearns for national unity in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, these comments reflect a spirit of hate and division.”
Monday, October 17, 2005
Understand, Who me ?
It is so hard to understand why I keep loosing guys,for instance with S, I thought we were back on track after our conversation; I suppose I was mistaken. The last week I have called and tried to spend time together and it seems as if he is ignoring me, which previously he has not. So at this point with S I am just going to keep my distance and wait to see if I have to cut my ties. Then there is J who told me he did not have time to create a relationship, but I find out J started dating another girl. J tells me that he wanted me to be the one he was dating but did not know where I stood with the relationship we had. I knew at that point when he said that I needed to let J go. I told him what I wanted and he didn’t want to listen which is not my fault. The exciting thing was when I told J best of luck I was hurt and frustrated ,again this month, I began to get to the point where I didn’t care anymore and was relieved it was over since I was leaning towards that anyways. This weekend was interesting over all though besides those two issues (which aren’t issues any more).
I went out to Tunel 21 a bar/club here in town with my sis and usually when I go clubbing I dance on the floor. My sister, as a side note this was my first time clubbing with her, did not want to go to the floor because it was packed. I enjoy a packed dance floor because of the people co-mingling, the sexual tension, all the people keeping up to the beat the DJ is throwing out, and just the vibe you pick up from people dancing close to you. The dance floor is networking at its best! Well here we are standing along the wall and I look pretty bored and agitated, on the other hand she is fine just dancing by herself as she is drinking an apple martini. Ok, I was dancing a little but not as much as if I were on the floor dancing. The guy I am standing next to speaks to me for a few seconds and o my he was a cutie. I was about 5’5 with heels on mind you I’m 5’2. He was about 6’5 (another side note I am very attracted to tall guys I guess it’s the small, short girl that wants a big tall guy to protect her) light hazel eyes which attracted me first and a very soothing voice. I wasn’t feeling his choice of clothing (ok the materialistic side of me) but overall he seemed like a nice person just as I was getting into the convo.;my sis ask me to walk with her to the bar for another drink, so I walk with her over to the bar.
When I come back Mr. Tall with a soothing voice was going and in his place was another group of guys. I stand there bobbing my head and looking around at the scenery. All of a sudden I see a hand hit the back of this guys head as he is walking past. My face frowned in anguish because I don’t want a fight in my vicinity that I have to break up. The guy that is hit turns around in anger he recognizes the face that hit him and laughs as he walks away. You wanted to know the true feeling of relived, that was me in one that moment! I guess the guy that hit him saw my relief pokes my waist and told me,” You have my permission to hit him and anyone else in here.” He was nice but not as cute as the first guy. Well at any point to make a long story short. I and Daniel had a nice conversation for the rest of the night. I didn’t take his number and he didn’t ask for mine which was ok. The conversation gave me a view that there are interesting, intelligent, put together men out there. I just need to be patent and take more time for I and maybe he’ll come around. I’m slowly coming around to that view of life. :) Me
I went out to Tunel 21 a bar/club here in town with my sis and usually when I go clubbing I dance on the floor. My sister, as a side note this was my first time clubbing with her, did not want to go to the floor because it was packed. I enjoy a packed dance floor because of the people co-mingling, the sexual tension, all the people keeping up to the beat the DJ is throwing out, and just the vibe you pick up from people dancing close to you. The dance floor is networking at its best! Well here we are standing along the wall and I look pretty bored and agitated, on the other hand she is fine just dancing by herself as she is drinking an apple martini. Ok, I was dancing a little but not as much as if I were on the floor dancing. The guy I am standing next to speaks to me for a few seconds and o my he was a cutie. I was about 5’5 with heels on mind you I’m 5’2. He was about 6’5 (another side note I am very attracted to tall guys I guess it’s the small, short girl that wants a big tall guy to protect her) light hazel eyes which attracted me first and a very soothing voice. I wasn’t feeling his choice of clothing (ok the materialistic side of me) but overall he seemed like a nice person just as I was getting into the convo.;my sis ask me to walk with her to the bar for another drink, so I walk with her over to the bar.
When I come back Mr. Tall with a soothing voice was going and in his place was another group of guys. I stand there bobbing my head and looking around at the scenery. All of a sudden I see a hand hit the back of this guys head as he is walking past. My face frowned in anguish because I don’t want a fight in my vicinity that I have to break up. The guy that is hit turns around in anger he recognizes the face that hit him and laughs as he walks away. You wanted to know the true feeling of relived, that was me in one that moment! I guess the guy that hit him saw my relief pokes my waist and told me,” You have my permission to hit him and anyone else in here.” He was nice but not as cute as the first guy. Well at any point to make a long story short. I and Daniel had a nice conversation for the rest of the night. I didn’t take his number and he didn’t ask for mine which was ok. The conversation gave me a view that there are interesting, intelligent, put together men out there. I just need to be patent and take more time for I and maybe he’ll come around. I’m slowly coming around to that view of life. :) Me
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Could people come this easily with directions
5 parts anger
5 parts self-sufficiency
1 part instinct
1 part jealousy
3 parts courage
3 parts ego
5 parts success
5 parts brilliance
3 parts instinct
1 part competitiveness
1 part craziness
Layer ingredients in a shot glass.
Then combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice.
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little caring if desired!
Add curiosity to taste! Do not overindulge! Top it off with a sprinkle of emotion and enjoy! Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of lustfulness
5 parts self-sufficiency
1 part instinct
1 part jealousy
3 parts courage
3 parts ego
5 parts success
5 parts brilliance
3 parts instinct
1 part competitiveness
1 part craziness
Layer ingredients in a shot glass.
Then combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice.
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little caring if desired!
Add curiosity to taste! Do not overindulge! Top it off with a sprinkle of emotion and enjoy! Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of lustfulness
Monday, October 10, 2005
Goodbeheheies
I went by S's place last night, well actually, this morning to drop off the clothes I had belonging to him and also to get the movies I had left there. I drive into the parking lot and it looks like he was just getting home. I wasn't sure because the parking lot at his apartment is poorly lit but if he saw me he could have just waived just to let me know it was him. Anycase, I get the bag and walk up to the apartment, suddenly I realized the excitement I would feel getting to the stairs was gone. Usually my excitement would be as a child getting a reward or a present; instead I felt like I had an important matter to deal with and my emotions were placed to the side. I felt as if I could care less about S or as if he was an aquatance to me.
Well, I do need to back up and explain my time before getting to S's place. I went to J’s place because I had not seen him in like 5 days and just needed a friend so I deiced to stop by. We sat on the couch watch Foxy Brown, which I really like except for the cheesy 70s sexist parts and I felt like I didn't belong there in his arms. I knew I was getting tiered of the routine we had going. Come by late have sex get up leave. I wanted more I felt empty and tired of "open relationships or friends with benefits". We finish most of the movie and J gets tired and wants to go to bed. We get to the room I lay down and he starts with the attempt of removing my clothes. I stop him and ask, "Are you happy with the way things are?" He replies, “yea". I then launch in to you want sex and I can't give that you anymore because I want something committed. He tells me well it's up to you to do what you want but you have made up your mind.
When he said that it pissed me off
I did not make up my mind habit gave me my answer and I wanted to make sure that if I was going to do this routine there was a pay out we both were going towards. I got up and told him I was leaving because we both wanted different things and I can't force myself to go along with the flow because I don't want to be alone. He walks me out and then grabs me for the strongest hug I have ever received from him. This causes me to think he wanted more but, does not feel ready or want the “drama” associated to a relationship.
I tell him,"You will find the right woman for you; I know it's not me but good luck. Thanks" I then walk away. I knew he stood at the door till I left out of his sight usually he just lets me out and closes the door. Go figure.
Again, I was hurt but I knew I would get bored or he would. I need him to be honest with me and I guess that wasn't going to happen. My feelings for J were not hella strong but strong enough to hurt when he was happy with a non-committed relationship. Life goes on but this time I felt great to stand up and say this is what I want you can't give it to me then I have to leave even if it hurts your feelings because this time around it is about me for now on.
Ok back to leaving S his stuff and making an attempt to get mine. I get to the door and I wanted to knock but I didn't. I guess I don't want to talk or hear the lines. I wanted to be inconspicuous because I'm not ready to deal with him out of fear of saying something really stupid. I leave the bag and a note for him to call me when he has time so I can schedule a time to get the movies I left there. I felt all the sadness, frustration, and anger boil up again. I wanted to go back to the door have him open it and say," You stupid fool I am a great person with flaws I will admit and for you to say what you did to me was wrong. You could have told me when you knew I was getting attached that you were going that way with me. No instead, you let me fall for you .Then you hurt me out of your own stupid reasons. I hope you never have to go through what I am right now and I forgive you.”Instead I keep walking and I smiled because I don't need to say that because when I left without saying anything when he was done leaving the bag and the note is enough. Sometimes nothing said is a strong impact than saying something.
I felt free reassured, proud, and good on the other hand, ya I'm still hurt, sad, and upset but those is not what is conquering me. I am going to remain positive that if love is for me it is by trial and error, by trying again and again. Life comes with good and bad which is how I take it will make my life and I am going with good thoughts. Even though I trying to be positive I was still in the dumps a song came on while I was in the car by Faith Evans titled, “Until You Came" Ok well I didn't love S but the song captured how I felt
Love was just a four letter word Misused to entrust the heart of followers But it never meant a damn thing to me Until you came so unexpectedly Then you curved my whole attitude Got me feelin' ways that I never thought I could See really what I'm tryin' to say is I like what I'm feelin' And I hope you never take it away
I never gave my heart to love I never gave my time to love I never even cared for love Until you came Baby I never gave my heart to love I never gave my time to love I never even cared for love And then you came, baby
I can't believe you walked through my defenses And made me smooth out my rough ends and You got me open and I'm hopin' that this ain't no act 'Cause I don't want no parts of that Matter fact, I really hope that you're true <---- Guess not on that one hahaha
Cause I wanna invest my time in you And all my childish dreams with all my conversations 'Cause I know that somethin' special's in the makin'
Yo! Seriously though, I'm buggin'. I'm, I'm really confused 'Cause I trust you with some things you say, but with other things I just don't trust you. But my mama said work with it, you know what I mean? It's like I've been going through all these emotions And I'm dealin' with stuff I've never dealt with before It's like you just, hmm, you got me straight trippin' boo. I don't even know what's wrong with me. But I hope you understand how I feel, 'cause I really care about you. So check this out baby.
Well relationships will go through this circle this was the first time for me to feel this way. I guess it' s not the last time either
:) me
Well, I do need to back up and explain my time before getting to S's place. I went to J’s place because I had not seen him in like 5 days and just needed a friend so I deiced to stop by. We sat on the couch watch Foxy Brown, which I really like except for the cheesy 70s sexist parts and I felt like I didn't belong there in his arms. I knew I was getting tiered of the routine we had going. Come by late have sex get up leave. I wanted more I felt empty and tired of "open relationships or friends with benefits". We finish most of the movie and J gets tired and wants to go to bed. We get to the room I lay down and he starts with the attempt of removing my clothes. I stop him and ask, "Are you happy with the way things are?" He replies, “yea". I then launch in to you want sex and I can't give that you anymore because I want something committed. He tells me well it's up to you to do what you want but you have made up your mind.
When he said that it pissed me off
I did not make up my mind habit gave me my answer and I wanted to make sure that if I was going to do this routine there was a pay out we both were going towards. I got up and told him I was leaving because we both wanted different things and I can't force myself to go along with the flow because I don't want to be alone. He walks me out and then grabs me for the strongest hug I have ever received from him. This causes me to think he wanted more but, does not feel ready or want the “drama” associated to a relationship.
I tell him,"You will find the right woman for you; I know it's not me but good luck. Thanks" I then walk away. I knew he stood at the door till I left out of his sight usually he just lets me out and closes the door. Go figure.
Again, I was hurt but I knew I would get bored or he would. I need him to be honest with me and I guess that wasn't going to happen. My feelings for J were not hella strong but strong enough to hurt when he was happy with a non-committed relationship. Life goes on but this time I felt great to stand up and say this is what I want you can't give it to me then I have to leave even if it hurts your feelings because this time around it is about me for now on.
Ok back to leaving S his stuff and making an attempt to get mine. I get to the door and I wanted to knock but I didn't. I guess I don't want to talk or hear the lines. I wanted to be inconspicuous because I'm not ready to deal with him out of fear of saying something really stupid. I leave the bag and a note for him to call me when he has time so I can schedule a time to get the movies I left there. I felt all the sadness, frustration, and anger boil up again. I wanted to go back to the door have him open it and say," You stupid fool I am a great person with flaws I will admit and for you to say what you did to me was wrong. You could have told me when you knew I was getting attached that you were going that way with me. No instead, you let me fall for you .Then you hurt me out of your own stupid reasons. I hope you never have to go through what I am right now and I forgive you.”Instead I keep walking and I smiled because I don't need to say that because when I left without saying anything when he was done leaving the bag and the note is enough. Sometimes nothing said is a strong impact than saying something.
I felt free reassured, proud, and good on the other hand, ya I'm still hurt, sad, and upset but those is not what is conquering me. I am going to remain positive that if love is for me it is by trial and error, by trying again and again. Life comes with good and bad which is how I take it will make my life and I am going with good thoughts. Even though I trying to be positive I was still in the dumps a song came on while I was in the car by Faith Evans titled, “Until You Came" Ok well I didn't love S but the song captured how I felt
Love was just a four letter word Misused to entrust the heart of followers But it never meant a damn thing to me Until you came so unexpectedly Then you curved my whole attitude Got me feelin' ways that I never thought I could See really what I'm tryin' to say is I like what I'm feelin' And I hope you never take it away
I never gave my heart to love I never gave my time to love I never even cared for love Until you came Baby I never gave my heart to love I never gave my time to love I never even cared for love And then you came, baby
I can't believe you walked through my defenses And made me smooth out my rough ends and You got me open and I'm hopin' that this ain't no act 'Cause I don't want no parts of that Matter fact, I really hope that you're true <---- Guess not on that one hahaha
Cause I wanna invest my time in you And all my childish dreams with all my conversations 'Cause I know that somethin' special's in the makin'
Yo! Seriously though, I'm buggin'. I'm, I'm really confused 'Cause I trust you with some things you say, but with other things I just don't trust you. But my mama said work with it, you know what I mean? It's like I've been going through all these emotions And I'm dealin' with stuff I've never dealt with before It's like you just, hmm, you got me straight trippin' boo. I don't even know what's wrong with me. But I hope you understand how I feel, 'cause I really care about you. So check this out baby.
Well relationships will go through this circle this was the first time for me to feel this way. I guess it' s not the last time either
:) me
Friday, October 07, 2005
Untitled
I was in the mood to write so i wrote this .. Thanks to my new artist friend Johnathan http://www.myspace.com/jontylermusic his music is what really inspired me to write this
I am trying to love you but you are unwilling to open yourself to me
I want to show you love is more that what you think you know
I need you to see that my love is compromising it does not cause the past pain you're acustomed with
I could show you love creates strenght from with in to flourish out
I want love to create in you, your inner strength so that it can flourish with in
so you can give it out
I can show you if only you open your heart
How can you say no when you haven't attempted to give your all to me
Could you see that this could be the begining?
Take my heart and I could teach you the new understanding of love that you've been missing
Could you
Would you
Or shall pride take me away for another.
Open your heart
How can you say no when you haven't given your all
You want what I've been offering but fear stops you
Don't wait till the next morning to know you were wrong take what you have now
'cause tomorrow is not promised today
I wish I did
I wish I could
Stop the needles troubles to yourself take the leap of faith and know it will be what we put towards it
Logic can not explain love logic only enhances love
But you will not know this because you will not let go of the past
I can show you if you only open your heart
How can you say you can't when you haven't even tried
Could you see this is the begining of the person you wondered if you could become?
Take my hand and I can guide you to the new love you've been missing
Let go of the unknown and create what you want to know
I want you to know love is moew that what you think it is.
I am trying to love you but you are unwilling to open yourself to me
I want to show you love is more that what you think you know
I need you to see that my love is compromising it does not cause the past pain you're acustomed with
I could show you love creates strenght from with in to flourish out
I want love to create in you, your inner strength so that it can flourish with in
so you can give it out
I can show you if only you open your heart
How can you say no when you haven't attempted to give your all to me
Could you see that this could be the begining?
Take my heart and I could teach you the new understanding of love that you've been missing
Could you
Would you
Or shall pride take me away for another.
Open your heart
How can you say no when you haven't given your all
You want what I've been offering but fear stops you
Don't wait till the next morning to know you were wrong take what you have now
'cause tomorrow is not promised today
I wish I did
I wish I could
Stop the needles troubles to yourself take the leap of faith and know it will be what we put towards it
Logic can not explain love logic only enhances love
But you will not know this because you will not let go of the past
I can show you if you only open your heart
How can you say you can't when you haven't even tried
Could you see this is the begining of the person you wondered if you could become?
Take my hand and I can guide you to the new love you've been missing
Let go of the unknown and create what you want to know
I want you to know love is moew that what you think it is.
Abortion
I was driving back to work from lunch and saw this on the bumper of a car.
If you can't trust me with a choice; how can you trust me with a child?
When you read this tell me what do you think in regards to women being disallowed from aborting their unborn fetus?
If you can't trust me with a choice; how can you trust me with a child?
When you read this tell me what do you think in regards to women being disallowed from aborting their unborn fetus?
What is a best fit.. Help!
I hate trying to find who the best fit is for me. I honestly thought it was S, but I guess I was wrong. I have this issue when I am with a person for long period of time, and I begin to acquire strong emotional ties to him. My issue is needing to know how I should respond to him emotionally, physically, and mentally. I hate being in a situation where I care and he doesn't, so I ask the question: “what are we?" Well, that is what I asked S last night and the answer he gave me was not what I wanted to hear.
I stopped by S place after having drinks with a girlfriend because I knew that question was looming in my mind. I told S, “Hey, what are we because I'm confused with this whole situation." He responds,”What are you confused about?" I told him why I was confused. I stated that I had never been in a committed relationship before due to the fact most of my relationships in the past have been kind of open relationships. Also that I don't know really know how to react to what I am feeling in this situation due to the fact that how I am feeling is new to me. I also expressed my unwillingness to open myself up completely something (someone). Because I was fearful of letting myself be that open and it could come back to slap me in my face later down the road because it did not work out. I ended it with I just need to know so I can respond accordingly. In a way know where I stand.
He responds back, “I’m not confused I know how I feel. You can do want makes you happy."
I told him, “No, I can't do what makes me happy because there is another person involved. What I want may not be what you want, so you have to tell me what it is that you want out of this. I don't want you to give me empty promises or say things your don't mean I know you can't promise me every thing will be ok because that is not possible. Tell me what it is you feel about us. "
His response, which floored me, was," You can do want you want. If you want to date other guys, that is fine with me. I know that I am not going to date around because I don’t have time to work things out, well actually, I do but it is a waste of time and energy to gout and date. I know you may find a nicer guy out there. "
I was so hurt. What S said was not what I wanted to hear, but what he said is his truth. I thought his feeling for me were the same? It sure seemed like they were. I guess I was mistaken or creating what was not there. At least I know how things are and can respond accordingly. Basically indifferent and unavailable for him or any one else for quite some time in a way I knew this was the case but I hoped that I was wrong and I was being skeptical. For S I was willing to make an attempt to be completely with one person and not have an open relationship.
This person was not right for me. I am beginning the shut down process all over again and I really don't think I want to reopen for a while. I'm not saying it will never happen but not anytime soon. It is hard, which is not the obvious, nor do I want keep going with this circle. Having an open relationship is draining cause the security is not really there and trying to have the security is frustrating.
Life goes on can't really force the changes I want I just have to deal and move on. Well back to work school spirituality.
: S me
I stopped by S place after having drinks with a girlfriend because I knew that question was looming in my mind. I told S, “Hey, what are we because I'm confused with this whole situation." He responds,”What are you confused about?" I told him why I was confused. I stated that I had never been in a committed relationship before due to the fact most of my relationships in the past have been kind of open relationships. Also that I don't know really know how to react to what I am feeling in this situation due to the fact that how I am feeling is new to me. I also expressed my unwillingness to open myself up completely something (someone). Because I was fearful of letting myself be that open and it could come back to slap me in my face later down the road because it did not work out. I ended it with I just need to know so I can respond accordingly. In a way know where I stand.
He responds back, “I’m not confused I know how I feel. You can do want makes you happy."
I told him, “No, I can't do what makes me happy because there is another person involved. What I want may not be what you want, so you have to tell me what it is that you want out of this. I don't want you to give me empty promises or say things your don't mean I know you can't promise me every thing will be ok because that is not possible. Tell me what it is you feel about us. "
His response, which floored me, was," You can do want you want. If you want to date other guys, that is fine with me. I know that I am not going to date around because I don’t have time to work things out, well actually, I do but it is a waste of time and energy to gout and date. I know you may find a nicer guy out there. "
I was so hurt. What S said was not what I wanted to hear, but what he said is his truth. I thought his feeling for me were the same? It sure seemed like they were. I guess I was mistaken or creating what was not there. At least I know how things are and can respond accordingly. Basically indifferent and unavailable for him or any one else for quite some time in a way I knew this was the case but I hoped that I was wrong and I was being skeptical. For S I was willing to make an attempt to be completely with one person and not have an open relationship.
This person was not right for me. I am beginning the shut down process all over again and I really don't think I want to reopen for a while. I'm not saying it will never happen but not anytime soon. It is hard, which is not the obvious, nor do I want keep going with this circle. Having an open relationship is draining cause the security is not really there and trying to have the security is frustrating.
Life goes on can't really force the changes I want I just have to deal and move on. Well back to work school spirituality.
: S me
Friday, September 23, 2005
Katrina
Please do not take this the wrong way. I have a few questions about the evacuation of these people from Louisiana to Texas. Why would the government or any one move to a costal city know that it is still hurricane season? I mean if you want to make sure people are safe and not inconvieanced; why placed them back in the same area that they just came from? That just irritates me so much that the weather people knew another storm was going to come and did not tell the people doing the evacuation, " Hey, you may not want to place these people here cause there is another storm coming!" Why is it that we as a country react to huge issues after the fact? Does it ever hurt to be proactive? I swear this country thinks it is going to kill us if they are proactive.
My next concern is, where are we placing all of these people while their city it being reblit? If it is in some open space till this all get situated I may have a suggestion to make the wait comfortable. The U.S has hundreds of military bases that are closed and non operational. Why not send a unit or two to the base to clean them up and make it operational. Give each family a room or group individuals together in rooms.I personally think that would be more cost efficient than what we are doing now. Use the cost guard or military to act as police since the area is controlled space and treat it as a city till theirs is back up and running.
Instead of finger pointing and looking like confused children there needs to be a better way to evacuate people when a whole city is destroyed. My idea would be this: If there is a huge storm and the weather control knows that it will be.
1)Give the residence one week notice that there is a huge storm coming, next monitor it for that week to make sure it is a huge storm.
2)Tell the news and radio stations as well newspapers to say so that it is not blown out of proportion for example ,there is a possible cat 5 storm off the cost of Louisiana that will be here in a week. Please begin packing valuables and we will keep you informed in the next week if you need to begin evacuations.
If the storm is a huge storm after a week.
1) Advise people to leave if they can to family or friends. If they have no where to go transport them to a military base that has been created as an evacuation point. Let them know if they stay they are liable for any rescue service bills for their ignorance
Maybe a lot of these ideas are in place but for some reason with this evacuation it was non existant. A lot of what is happening should not be.. We need to learn from our mistake a lot sooner that we as country do .
:)me
My next concern is, where are we placing all of these people while their city it being reblit? If it is in some open space till this all get situated I may have a suggestion to make the wait comfortable. The U.S has hundreds of military bases that are closed and non operational. Why not send a unit or two to the base to clean them up and make it operational. Give each family a room or group individuals together in rooms.I personally think that would be more cost efficient than what we are doing now. Use the cost guard or military to act as police since the area is controlled space and treat it as a city till theirs is back up and running.
Instead of finger pointing and looking like confused children there needs to be a better way to evacuate people when a whole city is destroyed. My idea would be this: If there is a huge storm and the weather control knows that it will be.
1)Give the residence one week notice that there is a huge storm coming, next monitor it for that week to make sure it is a huge storm.
2)Tell the news and radio stations as well newspapers to say so that it is not blown out of proportion for example ,there is a possible cat 5 storm off the cost of Louisiana that will be here in a week. Please begin packing valuables and we will keep you informed in the next week if you need to begin evacuations.
If the storm is a huge storm after a week.
1) Advise people to leave if they can to family or friends. If they have no where to go transport them to a military base that has been created as an evacuation point. Let them know if they stay they are liable for any rescue service bills for their ignorance
Maybe a lot of these ideas are in place but for some reason with this evacuation it was non existant. A lot of what is happening should not be.. We need to learn from our mistake a lot sooner that we as country do .
:)me
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Could I be? Humm...
I went out last night to an old friends house -well to be honest our relationship was mutually sex not a friendship ( well at times it could be a friendship.) I just wanted to know if my feelings for S were as strong as I think they are. I needed to know before I completely commit myself to S and place for my first time ever in a relationship a hands off rule to a lot of my male friends . I know it's stupid to do that ,but I needed to do that for my own weird reasons. Since I have graduated from high school I have had two serious relationships in which I attempted to cared for the other person. I would use the term cared very loosely - wait I'm going to explain. (Because if I cared for them I would not of cheated on them.) I was still dating and sleeping around while I was dating them,even at one point I was dating them both at the same time. (Well N was in sac with me and T was in so cal) .Yeah I know what comes around goes around and believe me I have had my ass kicked a few times , so I have paid my karma 10 times over and still do so. I was afraid to commit myself to anyone in fear that the relationship would not last leaving me with my heart in my hands. I did not want that kind of hurt. I had dealt with my parents on and off again relationship through out my childhood ; which caused me to vow I would never have a relationship where I would be hurt that many times over. So my logic is/was to never give fully of myself to another man , so that I would never have to deal with that heartache,confusion,anger I held in side. Nor would he ever know the true inner working of who I am I could not ask him to have pity on my pain , insecurities , and my inability to trust easily. I saw these as my burden to bear not someone else. I could not give anyone the power to control me that much emotionally,to know that much of me meant you had a small amount of power over me, which I do not like. I am very idiotic for thinking that way which is why I had to test myself. I needed to know do I really care for S that much. He really makes me happy, comfortable, understood, balanced,independent and so much more. I never really felt the way I do now for anyone because of my inner turmoil.( I am working slowly to let a lot of that pain go) Tuesday night , for example while I was a little unsure of what our relationship is going to be. I was over analyzing a completely good situation and I needed reassurance that things were going to be ok. S asked me, " Are you happy?" I responded, "Yes, but I just need to know. I like boundaries with a few lines so there is not any misunderstanding or hurt." He responded back," If you are happy why are you concerned with the semantics of the relationship. Let us have this type of conversation when you are not happy so that there is reason to be concerned. Just enjoy this ok?!" I was taken aback this was not the reassurance I wanted to hear but I needed to hear that. Moments like this is what is causing me to care about S so much, because he has the ability to even me out or cause me to think ;which for me is rare cause I has such a short attention span and temperance for people. This is a new experience for me due to the fact I have not been so trusting in the past with other men in my life. As well this is a feeling I want to keep enjoying so this test was just to see if I could really focus on one guy and let go of my past.
I was able to I could not vibe with my old partner, in addition to that I felt so guilty ,where as in the past I never felt guilty. I know as ridiculous as this sound that I need my hands off rule to other men in my life. I need this chance to know what it is like to be fully content in this relationship. it is juvenile to need to test myself to know what deep down in side I already knew. I m weird I need the reassurance before I jump off of a bridge. ha-ha..
:)me
I was able to I could not vibe with my old partner, in addition to that I felt so guilty ,where as in the past I never felt guilty. I know as ridiculous as this sound that I need my hands off rule to other men in my life. I need this chance to know what it is like to be fully content in this relationship. it is juvenile to need to test myself to know what deep down in side I already knew. I m weird I need the reassurance before I jump off of a bridge. ha-ha..
:)me
Friday, September 16, 2005
Sleep
Last night I could not sleep. There was something on my mind ,and I could not figure out what was it. I stayed up until 12 a. m. attempting to understand why I was so erractic in my thoughts. I knew there were no huge changes in my life or additional stress ,but I could not figure out why I could not sleep. Not being able to figure out my insomnia is a first for me; usually I can relax myself to figure out what is the issue and then attempt to fix what ever is troubling me. Last night was different even after relaxing myself I could not figure out what caused me to be wide awake at 12 a.m. I guess last night was one of those can't explain moments in life that I just need to leave alone. Which doing that is hard for me to do because I need to know why certain situations present themselevs in my life , so that I can better understand myself. I have this inane part of myself that wants to have my life make logical sense,to fit into my idea of how situations should go ,and to run somewhat smoothly. That seems for the most part plausable to me ,but realistically wanting to have my life work this way can drive me crazy very often. I think I may have figured it out , wow I am very dense. My sister is leaving today to go overseas to Egypt for military reasons. That is why I could not sleep because I am concerened about her saftey when she arrives on forgein land. I would not be this worried if it was a personal trip,because she is going over to Egypt as military personel is what worries me. Especially the fact that a lot of people in other countries do not like the U.S military and may create issues for her unit while she is there. Plus, my sister is a true indepenant american woman which is another factor on it's own. Whew! I'm glad I have an understanding of why I was troubled last night. I know her and the unit will come back safe! I just have to keep positive thoughts which will keep me from going insane. :)
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