Here I go again

Guess what happens again.. I meet somone and wow he is really nice + a good person. I was able to completly be myself and it was understood. Even though it was for a few days I felt like I had know him forever like a long lost friend that I had reaquanted with. I told him from start that I did not want anything sexual and basically something old fashoned just one day at a time is basically it. I thought we had that understanding.
As usual I find a way to go and mess it up.
We're having our normal conversation and I start to get tired which means my voice changes and I become more comfortable. I noticed that he was already that way with a very soothing voice. He starts talking about how he wants to hold , touch , kiss and all of these other physical things. Which I am ok with because I am affectionat person but he starts to go further.. I become closed and clam up I will admit. While he starts I say hey arent we going a little fast with a few I think we should stop dont you think its a bit too soon and even no. I guess I dont sound conviencing enough cause it seems like I like what he is saying and feeding into it and I may have. Even still I am very quiet he ask do I have something to say and I answer that I dont.also as well I am very distant as if I am not participating. I have half-ass answers when he ask me any questions. He doesnt take the hint and keeps on.
So he finally stops and ask me something and I at this point know this is just all he wanted .. physical.. figures.. most men say o I like you for who you are..you're honest down to earth funny easy to talk to .. all this nice bulshit things..
I closed up yea that is right..
why should I have to re-explain myself when I already said I did not want sex and here you go doing what I asked not for you to do.. how was i going to say in the middle of your tirate that Hey you i dont want this I thought you were listening to me that you cared and valued me! I guess not because you're doing the one thing I staited I did not want.
Then Im the bad guy cause I did not want to repeat myself that Im hurt... that I am repeating my past all over again.. I thought his was different his words his mannorism ha I guess not just the same lines Ive heard since I lost my virginty at 20.. Im so sick and tired of this .. Why do finding decent people have to be so hard? Why is it that when I stand up for what I dont want Im treated like the bad person like I said something wrong done something wrong mislead the person.
He was nice and apologized but its hard for me to belive that he wants to take it one day at a time that he is not after something physcal. He said something that made me think. I am able to pull in a fine female ... I attracted to you for who you are and started listing some of my traits. That made me think that he is not physicaly attracted to me that I am just what ever for the time being that there is something better and Im just the meantime.. figures..
Im cute I can take that but Im 5'2 190lbs who would really find that atractive I have to work hard on my personality to show Im a great person so that it makes me physically more atractive and I am begning to be ok with that because it is how the world works.. I just dont want to be treated that because i dont want to have sex im a horrible person that I am to be treated with kid gloves.. its not fair.. I know I am to blame for this whole thing if I said what i was thinking even thought it would of hurt his feelings I would not feel the way i do now.. He doesnt even want to show affection to me any more, figures.. no man can seperate a hug from intercourse it all means the same. I can let go and forgive but now I dont know if I want to talk with him anymore it was in his voice the hurt , fustration, confusion,blaming me cause I was not vocal enough. I dont want to loose your friendship I dont know why I care but I do so ... *sniff* Im doomed to be alone I guess all at my expense.. If I loose this heh its life I'll get over get on forgive and be me :)